Google to Seattle: Seriously Guys, Drop Dead

In a hand-written note wrapped around a brick thrown through a Seattle City Hall window, San Francisco-based Google Inc. reiterated its position Wednesday that they will “never, ever, not in a thousand million years be bringing Street View to Seattle.”

The message from the internet giant cleared up confusion among Seattle residents, a number of whom reported spotting Google Street View cars roaming area streets over four months ago. According to Wednesday’s statement, the cars were in fact decoys sent to drive Seattle streets for the sole purpose of taunting Seattleites.

We contacted a representative from Google for additional insight into the latest communication.

“We thought our press release back in April made it clear that we have no intention of bringing Street View to Seattle,” said Google Web Specialist Ryan Germick, still wearing the orange blockman suit from the Street View introductory video. “It is seriously fun to mess with you guys—you’re so gullible.”

In addition to the fake Street View cars, Germick pointed out that Google’s extension of Portland-area Street View coverage into southwest Washington which stops abruptly just south of the Puget Sound region should also have been an obvious sign to Seattle residents.

“I think my favorite insult to Seattle would have to be the fact that we recently added portions of France to Street View,” said Germick. “Why don’t you guys let that one sink in for a while—France has Street View, but Seattle does not.”

Among other areas recently added to Google’s Street View coverage: Augusta, SC, Topeka, KS, Lubbock, TX, Billings, MT, and Spokane, WA.