Every week, tens of thousands of Seattleites find themselves facing a familiar situation: the weekend is fast-approaching, and they have absolutely no plans due to an unfortunate combination of social anxiety disorders, crippling agoraphobia, and a complete lack of spending money thanks to “the economy.”
For those readers considering turning yet again to the old standby “sitting at home alone,” here’s a look at what you have to look forward to.
Sitting at home alone features some exciting benefits that simply cannot be overlooked. Not only is it one of the lowest-cost evening activities, but it will also improve your mental acuity, as well as confer some astounding health benefits.
When you have already cut out your three weekly pedicures, scaled back your hourly binges on iTunes, and toned down your compulsive monthly TV upgrade schedule, there’s not much fat left to trim from your budget. Sitting at home alone all weekend can provide a well-timed extra oomph that your finances could really use.
In today’s fast-paced society, where it seems like everyone and their brother has an information superhighway with big trucks running through your tubes, launching a full-scale 24/7 assault on your senses and sensibilities, it can be easy to feel a little overwhelmed.
Thankfully, when you’re sitting at home alone, you can call in a sick day from all that. Just grab a soda, plop yourself down on the couch, and space out. Within seconds you’ll feel the fog in your mind clearing. When it comes to psychological healing, sitting at home straight up delivers.
Of course, sitting at home alone isn’t all roses and daisies and other generally pleasant sights and aromas. Occasional side effects include random outbursts oscillating between explosive rage, hyperactive paranoia, and bitter, bitter tears, as well as a sudden and inexplicable affinity with cats.
Overall, I’d have to say that the benefits of sitting at home alone easily outweigh the (probably?) unlikely downsides.
Final Rating: Don’t call me—I’ll call you (after I’m done sitting at home alone, which may be never).