I Can Eat This Entire Burger in One Bite

You see this burger? The one right here in front of me, sitting on my plate? I can eat this entire burger in one bite.

That’s right; I can just pop the whole thing right into my mouth and scarf it down all at once.

You don’t believe me? Well, that’s a crucial error on your part. I know my mouth better than I know the back of my hand, and certainly well enough to make an accurate assessment of how much food it can or cannot hold at one time.

I’m not saying that I want to—just that I can. Listen, I have filled this mouth with more jumbo marshmallows than you can count, whole hot dogs, a handful of ping-pong balls, and once I even fit my parakeet in there. I can definitely manage this silly little burger.

Seriously? You still don’t think I can? Look, I would really like to enjoy this lunch one bite at a time, but if you insist on continuing this insolence I will be forced to prove it to you.

All I’m saying is that this burger is no match for the vast cavern that is the inside of my mouth. There is simply no question.

Fine. If that’s the way you’re going to be, I’ll just have to show you. Are you sure you won’t just take my word on this? No? Fine then.

Ffee? Ahh chold joo Ahh coult oo ifft.


I hope you’re happy. Now I didn’t get to savor my burger. That’s a meal I will never get back. Thanks a lot.

About the Author

Joe Freeman
Naked Loon Staff Columnist

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