Supreme Court Clears Michelle Obama on Marijuana-Scented Spikes in Greenlake

The state Supreme Court issued a unanimous decision Friday, clearing Michelle Obama of wrongdoing in the mysterious placement of marijuana-scented metal spikes discovered buried on the floor of Greenlake.

The spikes were discovered by a policeman during a routine patrol of the lake. When one of the ten-foot, machine-sharpened, diamond-tipped spikes was pulled from the slimy lakebed, the unmistakable smell of marijuana led to the discovery and subsequent arrest of nine-hundred more, scattered throughout the lake.

In addition to the Greenlake spike Supreme Court ruling, Mrs. Obama’s visit to Washington State this week was also timed to coincide with a fundraiser for Christine Gregoire and the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is a yearly sales promotion by locally-based upscale department store Nordstrom, where shoppers can save on fall’s hottest styles at the fashion event of the year for men, women, and kids.

Members of the Sound Transit governing board also stopped by the sale on Friday to celebrate obtaining enough votes to put yet another light-rail plan on the fall ballot. Despite the fact that the latest transit proposal was soundly defeated at the polls, Sound Transit board members are confident that all the hope and change and rainbows and puppies swirling around in November will carry their latest light-rail proposal to success.

Success is also on the menu at the University of Washington, which has been so successful at drawing in students in recent years that they are considering adding thousands of additional slots for incoming freshmen. This comes as unwelcome news to Jennifer Kolar, 33 who was sentenced on Friday to five years in prison for attempting to burn down the entire university in 2001. As she was dragged from the courtroom after the sentence was read, Kolar reportedly delivered a painfully cliché “I’ll be back.”

Unfortunately, even ridiculously overused clichés will not be sufficient to save King County Health Services, which has fallen victim to a staggering $86 billion trillion budget deficit. In order to increase demand for its public health programs, and thereby avoid painful budget cuts, the agency is considering hiring out-of-work mortgage brokers from California to intentionally spread a variety of diseases.

The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale takes place July 18, 19, and 20.

About the Author

Frigyes Karinthy
Naked Loon Neighborhood Correspondent

4 Comments on "Supreme Court Clears Michelle Obama on Marijuana-Scented Spikes in Greenlake"

  1. Rex Road | 2008-07-18 at 9:25 PM |

    OK, I don’t believe the part about there being a sale at Nordstrom’s.

  2. BetterJokesInBubbleGumWrappers | 2008-07-19 at 12:55 AM |

    Wow…biting social commentary.

    One thing to keep in “mind”:

    Last year’s Prop 1 ballot included 182 miles of freeway lanes. Something the regional transit agency should never have been saddled with by the legislature. The year before, our esteemed state leaders held Sound Transit back so they buy enugh time to slip a Mickey into the voter’s drink.

    This year, even the loony toons loons can see how wedded people are to their steering wheels and traffic jams. And super-cheap gas. And the wars fought to keep that gas super-cheap.

    On the road to November, maybe the loons can dream up something a bit more clever.

    (PS: the Discovery Institute clowns have expressed the same sentiment displayed in your hilarious post)

  3. Bob Snakely | 2008-07-19 at 7:48 AM |

    Hey Man, that’s some real bad Karma there! They just shut down my smoke shop in the U District (I need the loco weed for my health) and now they found the spikes. Hey this is real bad, real bad. Now I have to buy and pay real money to the drug dealers on one of the street corners downtown. Hey, where am I going to get the dollars, hey steal it from the man! I can’t work because of my health situation with my bad lungs and stuff.

  4. I knew something was up. I could smell those spikes– and I live all the way down here near White Center.

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