The state Supreme Court issued a unanimous decision Friday, clearing Michelle Obama of wrongdoing in the mysterious placement of marijuana-scented metal spikes discovered buried on the floor of Greenlake.
The spikes were discovered by a policeman during a routine patrol of the lake. When one of the ten-foot, machine-sharpened, diamond-tipped spikes was pulled from the slimy lakebed, the unmistakable smell of marijuana led to the discovery and subsequent arrest of nine-hundred more, scattered throughout the lake.
In addition to the Greenlake spike Supreme Court ruling, Mrs. Obama’s visit to Washington State this week was also timed to coincide with a fundraiser for Christine Gregoire and the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.
The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is a yearly sales promotion by locally-based upscale department store Nordstrom, where shoppers can save on fall’s hottest styles at the fashion event of the year for men, women, and kids.
Members of the Sound Transit governing board also stopped by the sale on Friday to celebrate obtaining enough votes to put yet another light-rail plan on the fall ballot. Despite the fact that the latest transit proposal was soundly defeated at the polls, Sound Transit board members are confident that all the hope and change and rainbows and puppies swirling around in November will carry their latest light-rail proposal to success.
Success is also on the menu at the University of Washington, which has been so successful at drawing in students in recent years that they are considering adding thousands of additional slots for incoming freshmen. This comes as unwelcome news to Jennifer Kolar, 33 who was sentenced on Friday to five years in prison for attempting to burn down the entire university in 2001. As she was dragged from the courtroom after the sentence was read, Kolar reportedly delivered a painfully cliché “I’ll be back.”
Unfortunately, even ridiculously overused clichés will not be sufficient to save King County Health Services, which has fallen victim to a staggering $86 billion trillion budget deficit. In order to increase demand for its public health programs, and thereby avoid painful budget cuts, the agency is considering hiring out-of-work mortgage brokers from California to intentionally spread a variety of diseases.
The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale takes place July 18, 19, and 20.