August 2008

Gaming Geeks Convert Seattle to Ultimate Nerdtopia

Seattle’s electric grid faces the ultimate challenge this weekend as tens of thousands of video game nerds from all corners of the country descend upon downtown, gadgets and games in hand for the Penny Arcade Expo, a three-day nerdtopia at the Washington State Convention Center.

Well over fifty thousand socially awkward, sun-starved nerds and geeks packed the convention center to the gills as the expo got underway Friday. Ultranerd video game writer Ken Levine kicked off the ceremonies as the keynote speaker, inspiring the pasty masses with the tale of his personal transformation from socially awkward child to socially awkward adult.

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PAX is Upon Us!

I can’t believe it’s already here again! PAX 2008 is upon us! Is there anybody more psyched about this than me? Probably! Is there anybody that doesn’t live in their parents’ basement and puts on deodorant every day that is more psyched about this than me? Maybe not!

Oh yeah, by the way, welcome to The Naked Loon’s newest blog, 1337 Gamerz. I’m your host, Naked Loon Technology Reporter John Fostr. On this blog I’ll be reporting on the latest important video game trends and news, with a special emphasis on awesome.

A Greeting Card for Every Anti-Social Situation

Would someone care to explain to me how anyone ever thought that greeting cards were a good idea? To me they come across as a complete waste of space, time, and money. Sending someone a greeting card is like saying:

You are special and important to me, but not so important that I’m willing to tell you so in person, or even call you on the phone. In fact, I’m willing to spend money to avoid having to interact with you directly.

Putting Laziness to Work for You

Laziness: it’s not just for sitting around the house anymore. Here in America, the land of such groundbreaking inventions as the recliner and the the diet pill, we have become the world leader in laziness. But how can you make laziness work for you?

The personal benefits of laziness are limitless, but for now let’s limit our focus to one area… say, parking lots.

One great way to exercise the power of laziness in the parking lot is to never park more than four spaces away from the front of an aisle…

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Welcome to Retailtastic!

Welcome to the new Naked Loon blog Retailtastic, everybody! I love to shop, and I am totally excited about the opportunity to share some of my exhilarating shopping experiences with you all!

Occasionally when I’m out shopping I’ll notice something crazy, and I think “wow, I really wish I could tell a bunch of people about this.” Well now I can! Lucky you!

Councilmembers Spent Taxpayer Money on Ethics Fines, Bun-n-Thigh Rollers, Nigerian Scams, and More

Seattle City Councilman Richard McIver has been caught in an embarrassing situation after taking advantage of a legal loophole in city code to pay a $1,000 ethics fine with taxpayer money, but McIver’s ethics fine is just the tip of the iceberg, according to an in-depth investigative report.

City records obtained by The Naked Loon indicate that city council members have been dipping into taxpayer funds to pay for everything from Botox pedicures to servant monkeys—and it’s all totally legal.

Birds: What is Science Hiding?

When was the last time you thought about birds? I mean really pondered them. Like turn off the TV and the music, shut yourself in a dark closet, and meditate on birds.

Since your answer probably rhymed with “sever” (shame on you), I’m going to take a moment to share some of my recent deep, contemplative thoughts about birds.

How many birds would you say you have seen in the past month?

Weather-Control Pranksters Rain Out Nickels’ Car-Free Day

A group of UW weather scientists claimed responsibility on Monday for ruining Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels’ inaugural “car free day” on Capitol Hill yesterday.

Calling themselves the Reactionary Anti-Initiative Network, the scientists explained that Sunday’s downpour was the result of weeks of careful planning and precision actions.

“When Mayor Nickels announced ‘car free days,’ we knew we had to do something,” said project lead Bernard Studemacher. “Weather is what we know, so naturally it was our preferred weapon.”