Despite having pulled off a rare loss in a nationwide sea electoral victories for Democrats in 2006, 8th District Democrat Darcy Burner retains a foolish sense of optimism about her prospects of winning in this year’s rematch with Congressman Dave Reichert.
Losing by 7,341 votes in 2006, Burner has spent every waking moment since the election certification meeting one-on-one with 8th district voters who selected Reichert, trying desperately to convince them that her years as a middle manager at Microsoft qualify her to work in the US Congress.
“We only need to get three thousand, six hundred and seventy-one people to change their minds,” said Burner at a recent fundraising picnic. “We may not appear to be in a better position to win this year than we were in 2006, but surely we can convince just three thousand, six hundred and seventy-one people that a law school dropout should represent their district, right?”
With George Bush on his way out of office, the political landscape of 2008 does not lend itself to the easy anti-Bush strategies of yesteryear. “We all wish we could still run against George Bush,” said Burner, referring to other Democrats around the country.
Burner brings a number of strong advantages to the table in 2008 that she did not have in 2006. Her experience as a political hopeful has now topped three years, which is over three times as extensive as it was in 2006. She also sees her 2006 loss as a strong advantage for her 2008 campaign. “The Democrat majority in congress has as yet failed to end the war in Iraq,” said Burner, “but when I am elected I will single-handedly bring our troops home and end the imperialistic oppression of the Iraqi people.”
Burner’s strategy for the remaining five months until the election will primarily involve running ads in which she repeats the word “Iraq” as many times as possible in thirty seconds. Other themes that will occasionally be thrown into the mix include rainbows, puppies, and lots of happy smiling people.
Ultimately, much of Burner’s hope in 2008 comes from running on the same ticket as political superhero Barack Obama, who according to recent polls has already won the hearts of 105% of likely voters in Washington State.
“I figure if I can smile at least half as much as Barack and maybe even get him to pose with me for a couple pictures, victory is virtually guaranteed,” said Burner. “Also, don’t forget: Iraq, Iraq, Iraq.”