Live It Up on 32 Cents a Day (or Less)

So the economy is in the toilet, your 401(k) is worthless, you lost all three of your jobs, your bank went under, and the Second Great Depression is underway. You’re a fighter, and you are going to keep on living it up. You won’t let little things like not having any money stop you from enjoying life.

Here are some helpful tips to will help you maintain a fun standard of living during these difficult times.

Here’s a simple solution to ease the pain of rising mortgage payments: just stop paying them! The foreclosure process takes something like three years, and many banks are simply unable to process the overwhelming tide of foreclosures on the books. Chances are they may just forget about you entirely.

If you’re renting, or the bank does finally kick you out of your worthless shack, there is no shortage of cardboard boxes out there to construct a fine abode out of. If you’re really resourceful, head over to south Seattle near the shipyards and pick yourself up an empty shipping container from China—instant home.

Gas is still over three dollars a gallon, which is certainly more affordable than earlier this year, but that doesn’t really matter, since the dealer repossessed your cars two months ago anyway. Luckily for you, Seattle is the most bicycle-friendly city in the entire world, with many streets sporting ultra-wide six-inch shoulders just for cyclists. Even better is Seattle’s extensive network of dedicated bicycle paths, known as the Burke-Gilman Trail.

If you haven’t already got a bicycle, don’t worry. Thousands of people are offering to give away bicycles for free all throughout the city, you just have to know where to look for these great deals. Check folks’ back porches or climb up to their decks. If it isn’t locked up, that’s an indication that they want someone to take it off their hands, they just haven’t made the time to put up a Craigslist post yet.

Most grocery stores throw out enough food every day to feed an average American family for ten years.
Nigel Jones | The Naked LoonMost grocery stores throw out enough food every day to feed an average American family for ten years.

Here’s a fun fact: the average grocery store throws out enough perfectly good food every day to feed a family of five for ten years. Dumpster diving for baked goods is not only a great way to get free food, but it’s also a fun activity that the whole family can join in on.

At restaurants there is always the ethically questionable dine and dash, but we prefer the more principled vulture method. Just grab a table, stall the waiter as long as possible, and pick the leftovers off of recently vacated tables. Or, for the price of a Costco membership (less than $0.14 a day), you can enjoy a lavish lunch buffet nearly every day.

Try this: go swimming in a duck pond until you get swimmers itch, then scratch the itch to experience waves of pleasure beyond your wildest imaginings. The best things in life can’t be bought.

Also fun: the time-honored Seattle classics: naked mud dodgeball, umbrella base-jumping, and random stranger shameful staredowns.

Don’t let the squalor and desolation of today’s economic wasteland get you down. Get out there and enjoy life no matter how deep an abyss of debt you have dug yourself into.

About the Author

Martha Kostyra
Naked Loon Living Editor

2 Comments on "Live It Up on 32 Cents a Day (or Less)"

  1. Does this 32 cent estimate take into account the various taxes for dumpster diving and random staredowns?

  2. Mmmmm. Swimmer’s itch.

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