Ford Announces Huge Truck Sale for Ike Victims

TOPICS:News Shorts Stories US/World

Posted By: Alfred Matthew 2009-04-25

Robot Mariners Extend Perfect Record in 23,145 to 6 Victory Over Sheep-Clone Angels

In his 6,523rd career game, EDGARTRON-3000 led the Robot Mariners to their landmark 65,536th consecutive win Friday night against the Los Angeles Sheep-Clone Angels.

As usual, the team scored precisely 23,145.0 runs in a perfectly precise execution of baseball. The nine-inning romp included an average of 642.9167 home runs by each of the nine electronic players as the team extended its league-leading record to 3.91*10⁷⁵

Posted By: Addison Berkeley 2009-01-15

Stop Whining and Start Visualizing

You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.

There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.

Posted By: Josh Devena 2008-09-13

As Hurricane Ike sweeps through southeast Texas leaving a trail of devastation in its wake, Ford Motor Co. has announced an exciting new vehicle promotion available exclusively to hurricane-affected areas.

“For many Texas families, the massive destruction of Hurricane Ike has wiped out everything: their homes, their pets, and—most importantly—their pickup trucks,” says a new Ford TV ad already being broadcast across Texas Saturday. “Announcing the Ford Super Ike Disaster Recovery Sale.”

Ford is offering amazing factory-authorized discounts of up to five percent off sticker price for everyone in the path of Ike’s destruction.

“I would like to extend my heartfelt condolences to those that have lost their much-loved trucks as a result of this terrible hurricane,” said Ford spokeswoman Tina Guthrie. “We’re proud to extend this limited-time offer of amazing savings on 2008 and 2009 Ford trucks to those unfortunate souls that have lost everything today.”

Ford plans to run the Super Ike Disaster Recovery Sale through at least the end of September—longer if necessary. “We’re pulling out all the stops to support the victims of this tragedy,” said Guthrie.

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

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2008-12-31

Nickels: Seattle #1 Bestest City in Universe

2008-12-18

WILL IT NEVER END?!?

2008-12-03

Burien Emo Still Recovering from Awful Thanksgiving

Josh Devena

Naked Loon Ecto-Seattle Correspondent

6 Comments on "Ford Announces Huge Truck Sale for Ike Victims"

houtek | 2008-09-13 at 6:13 AM |

I generally enjoy your material, however, please remove this article. There is no humor in real tragedy.
Hookah | 2008-09-13 at 11:17 AM |

Houtek, there’s humor in everything if you look hard enough.
walk a mile in my shoes | 2008-09-13 at 11:47 AM |

I boarded up my home and left it, then I got in my car and sat with my two animals, who were severely stressed out, in highway traffic, for seven hours, with blinding sun in my face, and now I sit in a hotel room I can’t afford and watch frightening television news coverage about my little town being damaged by a hurricane. I just can’t stop laughing!
Maybe you can make up a funny story about me, maybe find a spelling error or something to pick at to make me look stupid. Enjoy!
nwOrca | 2008-09-13 at 7:26 PM |

Wow. Um, I think #1 & #3 above seem to have missed the point of this story. As I read it, it’s making fun of the callous and impersonal nature of corporations, not the victims of the hurricane.
Rachel C | 2008-09-17 at 1:57 PM |

I’m with nwOrca.
Zoomie | 2008-10-09 at 10:05 PM |

It is a fact of life that we all have a difficult time looking beyond ourselves. The theme of Seinfeld is correct for many people today.
“Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me”

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2008-04-26

I am truly a despicable wretch.

In the wake of mounting public outrage following the imminent departure of the Seattle Sonics, I feel that there is something I need to say. I’d like to address an unlikely figure that has joined the rising chorus of my critics: me, Howard Schultz.

As I sit here enjoying a cup of coffee at Tully’s in Madison Park, I mull over the various things I’ve done that I myself would describe as ‘disgusting’, ‘despicable’ and ‘loathsome.’ “I really am one of the biggest jerks out there,” I mutter wistfully to myself.

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2008-06-26

Navigating Transit in Seattle is as Easy as 1, 37, 12!

As the price of gas continues to fly higher than a bald eagle on LSD, more and more people are looking for ways to cut commuting costs.

With access to one of the world’s best mass transit systems, Seattle residents are in a great position to kick the disgusting habit of driving once and for all.

If you’re new to mass transit in Seattle, don’t fret! Just follow these easy tips and you’ll be clearing your environmental conscience and fattening your wallet in no time.

The best thing about mass transit in Seattle is all the choices. We’ve got bus, light rail, monorail, commuter rail, trolley, ferry, and much, much, more! Of course, all these choices can be intimidating to someone who is used to the boring one-trick-train systems in lesser cities such as Chicago or New York.

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2008-07-03

Solution to Viaduct More Committees, Committee Says

A committee made up of city, state and county officials commissioned to study solutions to the Alaska Way Viaduct announced their latest findings today. The committee released a statement indicating that they have finally determined a definitive solution to the problem of the crumbling Viaduct. That solution, according to the committee, is to form more committees.

“I’m a little embarrassed it took us this long to see the obvious answer that was staring us in the face this whole time,” said Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels.

The report from the committee laid out an extensive plan to solve the Viaduct issue by convening a series of seventy-three separate committees over the next twenty years.

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2008-08-04

Mutant Man-Mouse Hybrid Escapes UW Lab

Disaster struck the U District Monday, as a 6-foot, three-hundred-pound man-mouse hybrid escaped from containment at the University of Washington’s Comparative Genomics Center (CGC) and rampaged through the neighborhood, leaving a trail of terrified children and weirded out adults in its wake.

“It was awful,” said U District resident Penny Orting. “It just came out of nowhere and started waving its hands all over the place, slowly walking toward the children… and they just stood there, paralyzed with fear.”

The genetic abomination is the result of ten years of study at the CGC. A secret project codenamed “Icy Smoke Emu” was funded by $82 million obtained through an innocuous-looking line-item for “test vials” in the biology department’s annual budget.

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2008-10-20

MIT Study: Internet Rife With Hypocrisy, Lies

Researchers at MIT announced the shocking results of a groundbreaking study Monday, revealing that over 90% of the population of the internet are liars and hypocrites.

In the fourteen-month study, researchers canvassed hundreds of discussion forums, blogs, and social networking sites, tracking down participants and following up in-person on statements and claims made online.

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