BEIJING – While fraudulent footprint fireworks and little lip-syncing Lin appeared to be the extent of China’s Olympic deception, in reality these scandals are just the icing on an enormous Olympic fakery cake. According to well-placed sources in the Chinese government, the entirety of the Beijing Olympic Games is in fact completely staged.
Every single aspect of the 2008 Summer Games as viewed by the world on television and the Internet has been part of an elaborate farce, carried out through a combination of green-screen digital trickery and fully computer-generated graphics.
Even Beijing’s famous “crow’s nest” stadium exists only as an arrangement of bits inside a massive graphic-manipulation supercomputer.
Chinese officials began planning the impossibly-complex hoax as soon as Beijing was selected for the 2008 games in 2001. “We realized that it would be thousands of times less expensive to produce the games on a computer than to actually build so much infrastructure,” said a high-ranking Politburo leader, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The reason was for the national interest.”
As Olympic athletes, reporters, and hopeful ticketholders from around the world landed in Beijing thinking they would be attending the world’s most famous athletic competition, Chinese officials escorted everyone to holding cells for the duration of the fake games.
“It was incredibly easy to adapt the information control mechanisms we employ to maintain the ignorance of our own population to the new purpose of preventing the visiting foreigners from sending any unauthorized information out,” said another anonymous source within the Chinese Olympic committee.
The most difficult part of the charade was reportedly the smog effects. “In the false footage you can see almost a kilometer into the distance,” said one of the digital graphic artists involved in generating the outdoor shots. “In reality you are lucky to see more than a few hundred meters. It took us six months to get enough footage from around the city to make the composites you saw on television.”
In total the Chinese government spent the equivalent of just $30 million generating the fake games. To host an authentic Olympics with all the same splendor of the digital phony would have cost over $2 billion.
“I think that the ‘Free Tibet’ banner was my favorite part,” said the anonymous Politburo leader. “If anyone did suspect our lies, that really would have thrown them off.”
With the closing ceremony still over a week away, Chinese officials are already calling the sham a complete success. However, our sources would not reveal how the government planned to deal with the thousands of detained visitors once the games reach a conclusion.
“Do not worry, they will be taken care of,” said the Politburo leader. “Our reputation speaks for itself.”