China Fakes Entire Olympic Games

BEIJING – While fraudulent footprint fireworks and little lip-syncing Lin appeared to be the extent of China’s Olympic deception, in reality these scandals are just the icing on an enormous Olympic fakery cake. According to well-placed sources in the Chinese government, the entirety of the Beijing Olympic Games is in fact completely staged.

Every single aspect of the 2008 Summer Games as viewed by the world on television and the Internet has been part of an elaborate farce, carried out through a combination of green-screen digital trickery and fully computer-generated graphics.

Even Beijing’s famous “crow’s nest” stadium exists only as an arrangement of bits inside a massive graphic-manipulation supercomputer.

Chinese officials began planning the impossibly-complex hoax as soon as Beijing was selected for the 2008 games in 2001. “We realized that it would be thousands of times less expensive to produce the games on a computer than to actually build so much infrastructure,” said a high-ranking Politburo leader, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The reason was for the national interest.”

As Olympic athletes, reporters, and hopeful ticketholders from around the world landed in Beijing thinking they would be attending the world’s most famous athletic competition, Chinese officials escorted everyone to holding cells for the duration of the fake games.

“It was incredibly easy to adapt the information control mechanisms we employ to maintain the ignorance of our own population to the new purpose of preventing the visiting foreigners from sending any unauthorized information out,” said another anonymous source within the Chinese Olympic committee.

The most difficult part of the charade was reportedly the smog effects. “In the false footage you can see almost a kilometer into the distance,” said one of the digital graphic artists involved in generating the outdoor shots. “In reality you are lucky to see more than a few hundred meters. It took us six months to get enough footage from around the city to make the composites you saw on television.”

In total the Chinese government spent the equivalent of just $30 million generating the fake games. To host an authentic Olympics with all the same splendor of the digital phony would have cost over $2 billion.

“I think that the ‘Free Tibet’ banner was my favorite part,” said the anonymous Politburo leader. “If anyone did suspect our lies, that really would have thrown them off.”

With the closing ceremony still over a week away, Chinese officials are already calling the sham a complete success. However, our sources would not reveal how the government planned to deal with the thousands of detained visitors once the games reach a conclusion.

“Do not worry, they will be taken care of,” said the Politburo leader. “Our reputation speaks for itself.”

About the Author

Josh Devena
Naked Loon Ecto-Seattle Correspondent

8 Comments on "China Fakes Entire Olympic Games"

  1. Wang Shilin | 2008-08-15 at 5:58 PM |

    WHAT? This is such a lie. China spent many years working hard on the Olympics. First off, Tibet has always been part of China, and will only flourish if it is still attached to China becuase it does not have a strong enough government. Second, I have been to the Bird’s Nest and it is NOT a hoax. Don’t be jealous of China.

  2. Don’t take bits and pieces and paste them together to form your opinion. Olympic is about countries without borders. Leave politics out of it. It is against the spirit of the Olympic Games.

  3. This is an excellent satirical article. Chinese friends (readers) should understand that this article is poking fun at ignorant Western media, not at China. (P.S. My wife is Chinese, and I consult to the Chinese government.)

  4. the pete | 2008-08-16 at 10:10 AM |

    i wonder if they decided before hand who would win the events or if they just let the ai decide. glad i decided not to watch it this time around unlike those that did and still didn’t watch it.

    oh, and free tibet.

  5. I don’t think this article goes far enough.
    When you dig deeper, you will find that in fact the last 60-or-so years of Chinese history is also fake; Mao actually nuked the place decades ago and now teaches the Chinese population their ‘history’ in ‘patriotic education centres’ on a space station orbiting Mars (which, incidently, is why all those unmanned probes dissapeared; they were destroyed as foreign reporting is strictly censored around Mars- the rovers have state permits)
    Incidently, the Dalai Lama is actually an alien; part of a highly evolved species whose peaceful nature angers cyber-Mao and whose presence infuriates him enough to keep China in space until such time as the world is so dependent on trade with the galactic superpower that they agree to abandon free thought and submit to the Empire, though its possible this entire Mars story is also fake- stolen from a pirated copy of Star Wars.
    In reality, China is populated only by pandas and yaks.
    Seriously, the Chinese people deserve the truth cybo-Mao

  6. lucas 920 | 2008-08-24 at 11:14 PM |

    If China make fake items from any brand… What kind of ethics is that?

    why not cheat in your country’s biggest show?

    The olimpic games were a big disappoint to me, since the begining, fake singer, fake fireworks, fake girl’s ages, fake points to chineses…just the iceberg peak…

    Just try to prove it…that’s the problem
    The true is over there…on TV. This is embarrasing for the Olimpicis Games original concept.

  7. I just want to know where on Earth Wang Shilin was educated that he thinks Tibet was “always” a part of China…. The People’s Republic of China invaded and conquered Tibet in 1950. Any idiot with access to Goggle or Wikipedia knows that.

    But then again I guess some people have censored internet. If you want to know what I mean, go to China and search “Tiananmen Square”. Enough said I think

  8. and now muslim apologists use this photo to defame US and to protect Islam

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