Public Service Announcement
After a refreshing / costly “vacation,” The Naked Loon will return on Wednesday with the latest important local, national, international, interplanetary, and trans-galactic news for discerning Puget Sound internet readers.
I’m happy to announce that The Naked Loon has partnered with local cartoonist Jeff Swenson to begin a new feature: Comics!
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In a stand-up meeting at Stanford Sprockets on Friday, company president Bill Brumsfield briefed the staff of 56 on the good news and the bad news of last month’s revenue figures.
“The bad news is that we didn’t meet our projected revenues and we have lost over five hundred thousand dollars this year,” said Brumsfield. “But—the good news is that we’re currently on track to lose less than we did in 2007, and we probably won’t have to file bankruptcy for at least another eighteen months!”
Don’t you hate it when you’re trying to run a consistent online newspaper business, and suddenly your entire staff just up and leaves on a road trip without giving you any notice, and they say they’re going to write stuff from the road, but they only send you a couple of stories, and then they give you some story about how they got a tank of bad gas in Oregon, and it cost them over $400 to fix their car, and they’re sorry but they just haven’t had the time to write you stories, and why don’t you just post a cute picture of a raccoon or something, and anyway we’ll be back Friday and we’ll get right to work, we promise.
I hate it when that happens. Stupid Oregon.
Hot on the heels of a wildly popular advertising campaign featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, as well as the overall unprecedented success of their Vista operating system, Microsoft rocked the Northwest Friday with their latest unexpected bombshell:
Effective September 22nd, Sierra Mist will be available in all break rooms.
You deserve a vacation. Unfortunately, there is a problem. Or two. Or three. If you fly somewhere, you’re faced with airline fees for everything from bathroom breaks to cabin pressurization. Driving isn’t much better, as the cost of gas remains so high that you’ve even considered the unthinkable—taking the bus to work. And oh yeah, thanks to the housing crash and the economy, you’re broke.
Thankfully, that’s why God gave us the staycation. Of course, even sticking around the Sound isn’t without its troubles. Your neighborhood is safe and friendly, but who knows what dangers lurk in the more… shall we say… “exotic” corners of the Pacific Northwest.
PIKE PLACE MARKET, SEATTLE – A deadly strain of Hinternoccoci bacteria was soundly thwarted in its attempt to spread from a public toilet seat to the butt-cheek of area man Todd Stanley Tuesday.
Before taking his seat on the public toilet, Stanley carefully removed a paper toilet seat cover from the “Health Guard” dispenser in the stall, placing it squarely on the communal throne.
You’ve always envied farmers and their ability to come home from a long day at work, and just relax in a nice warm bath of cow’s milk and unwind. Well now you too can get that feeling, thanks to this “Wholesome Milk Bath” available only at your Ross Dress for Less outlet.
Local meteorologists released a series of photographs Monday of a menacing cloud formation spotted in the skies above Pierce County.
Curiously darker than the surrounding fluffy white billows of water vapor, the mysterious shadowy wisps seem to be gathering for some foul purpose, according to KOMO 4 weather expert Jim Castillo.
(Visit The Naked Loon to view this life-altering graphic)
As Hurricane Ike sweeps through southeast Texas leaving a trail of devastation in its wake, Ford Motor Co. has announced an exciting new vehicle promotion available exclusively to hurricane-affected areas.
“For many Texas families, the massive destruction of Hurricane Ike has wiped out everything: their homes, their pets, and—most importantly—their pickup trucks,” says a new Ford TV ad already being broadcast across Texas Saturday. “Announcing the Ford Super Ike Disaster Recovery Sale.”
In an exclusive investigative report set to air Friday morning, veteran newsman Dan Rather will reveal a stunning document unearthed from the files of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in which the late civil rights activist strongly endorses Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election.
Rather will unveil the document during a special edition of his cable news program Dan Rather Reports on HDNet.
A groundbreaking independent film screening this weekend in Seattle takes an insightful, entertaining, and totally original look into the mind of nature’s most overlooked insect: the ant.
Local filmmaker Andy Todd’s new film, Ant: The Awakening, will premier Saturday to an audience of pretentious indie-film-enthusiasts at the Jewel Box Theater in Belltown.