Have you ever stopped to think about what life would be like if there were no lighthouses in existence? No West Point Light Station at Discovery Park? No Admiralty Head Light? No Alki Point Light?

I didn’t think so, so here’s your chance to do so.

Done already? Well okay then. Your conclusion probably went along the lines of this: “I don’t want to think today. Also, you can’t tell me what to do.” Well if that’s the way it’s going to be, you leave me no choice but to straight up tell you what the world would be like if we didn’t have any lighthouses.

Imagine this. You are a captain of SS Blue Flamingo and are on a very important mission to deliver three tons of marijuana to the U.S. so that all the suffering cancer patients can toke up and forget they have cancer. Day turns to night, and you find yourself in the perilous waters of Dead Cows Corner…

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I feel I just have to address something gone terribly wrong in this world: Dolphins. Yes, you heard me right, dang it. I said dolphins. Yeah, I know, you think they’re cute. You think they are smart. That’s what you’ve been told. Told by the system. THE SYSTEM! DO YOU HEAR ME?! THEY ARE FORCE-FEEDING YOU THESE LIES!!

Yeah, they may LOOK cute, and their trainers may SAY they are smart, but they are not smart. Not at all. (Imagine an uppity nasal voice here) “Dolphins are easily as intelligent as man because they develop complex social relationships with other creatures and display learning skills higher than any other animal. Really humans could learn a lot from dolphins. They have the intelligence to aide them in living full happy lives, without the instinct to use their intelligence to prey on other creatures. We are indeed inferior.”

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With Great Wealth Comes Great Responsibility
by Bill Gates
As you know, over the past thirty years the success of Microsoft has allowed me to amass quite a personal fortune. Watching my net worth grow to nearly sixty billion dollars has obviously been an exhilarating experience, but I’d like to take a moment to share the most important thing I have learned on this wild ride: With great wealth comes great responsibility…

Woo-Hoo, I’m Rich!
by Paul Allen
Damn it feels good to be filthy stinking rich! When I hit the jackpot with Bill at Microsoft, I knew immediately that the rest of my life was going to be kick-ass awesome.

Seriously, do you even realize how sweet life is when you can afford to buy yourself anything you want? Let me give you a few examples…

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