Desperate for Veteran Bullpen Leadership, Mariners Sign 97-year-old Pitcher

In a desperate effort to gain experienced leadership in the bullpen, the Mariners have brought on Pappy McFreeson, a 97-year-old relief pitcher.

The Mariners have had difficulty as of late retaining experienced talent in the bullpen, and the move is seen as a clear indication of their commitment to turn that trend around.

Having pitched in the major leagues for sixty-eight years, McFreeson alone has ten times more experience than the rest of the M’s bullpen combined.

McFreeson was acquired in a trade with Cincinnati, who received Mike Morse in the deal—wait, who? I’ve never even heard of that guy. Oh, dang… it turns out he only played 9 games last year. “Hopefully I’ll be able to actually play baseball with the Reds,” said Morse.

The Mariners coaching staff is excited about the possibilities that the veteran McFreeson brings to the team. “A guy like that can really bring some balance and stability to our bullpen,” said pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre.

“I definitely think this is going to give us a leg up in the AL West,” said All-Star closer J.J. Putz. “I mean, the oldest guy in the Angels’ or anybody else’s bullpen is what, like thirty-five or something? Pappy was throwing relief when these guys’ parents were in diapers.”

Although McFreeson had been thinking about retiring this season, he is glad to join the Mariners organization. “Some of these young whippersnappers like your Roger Clemens or your Randy Johnsons think that just because they’ve got an iron for an arm, they’re some kinda heavy-cake,” said McFreeson, “but constarnit, they just don’t appreciate the art of pitchin’, I tell ya.”

McFreeson will go into the relief rotation and looks to be throwing at least once a week. His specialty is long relief.

“I think bringing Pappy on really rounds out our pitching,” said manager John McLaren. “With Pappy’s leadership, our bullpen this year will be virtually unstoppable.”

Story Tip: Dylan Wilbanks of Seattle Metblogs – Thanks, Dylan!

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Alfred Matthew

Naked Loon Entertainment Reporter

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