So it’s April 15th, again, and you’ve put off doing your taxes until the last minute yet again. Well luckily for you, the tireless staff of The Naked Loon is here to make your life easier with a list of useful tips to help you take advantage of every possible sneaky loophole and clever dodge. By following these tips, you can turn tax time into fun time.
It’s Important to be Tolerant
In today’s society, the one thing we don’t tolerate is intolerance. Everybody is free to seek their own truth. You can extend this progressive principle to your taxes. If you say that your adjustable gross income of $150,000 minus $35,000 in itemized deductions equals a taxable income of $25,000, who is the IRS to say that your truth is invalid?
Itemize Like There’s No Tomorrow
You already know that you can deduct things like medical expenses, losses from theft, and your home mortgage interest. But make sure you’re not too narrow-minded when you define these deductions, and use them to your benefit.
Most people only count things like prescription medication and visits to a licensed physician when deducting medical expenses. Don’t limit yourself like that. When adding up your medical expenses, make sure you include your homeopathic aromatherapy, organic power bars, and even that motivational podcast you subscribed to. It’s your health, after all.
When you’re adding up your mortgage interest, think about the meaning of the word “interest.” According to the dictionary, interest can be defined as merely having “a state of curiosity or concern about or attention to something.” I bet you have curiosity or concern about your entire monthly mortgage payment, don’t you? Of course you do. So go ahead and deduct the whole thing.
Expand Your Charitable Giving Horizons
With the faltering economy, many businesses are losing money hand over fist. For example, quirky Seattle-based soft drink company Jones Soda lost over $10 million in just the fourth quarter last year. So any time you bought Jones Soda, you were basically giving to charity, right? It turns out you’re a much more charitable person than you thought. The economy is slowing down fast, but you did your part to help out by spending, spending, spending. You can just go ahead and consider all of your spending as charitable giving.
Creativity is Key
Remember, your tax return should be a work of art that reflects the “inner you.” Don’t let some words on a multi-hundred-page form limit the expression of your soul. Be creative, be original, be bold.
If all else fails, just go ahead and write in a big six-digit number in the “Refund” section. It never hurts to ask, right?
What if someone takes this advice, gets audited, and then sues you? It could happen.
I’ve been doing this for years. I’m glad the word is finally getting out.
Another tip: you could count every time you buy a soda from McDonald’s and read the foreign languages on the cups as education expenses. I do.
What if someone takes this advice, dosen’t get audited, and doesn’t sue you? It could happen.
I don’t think you can get sued for satire Rachel, haha honestly. If anyone is actually STUPID enough to do this, its not the Loon’s fault and they deserve what they get.