Navigating Transit in Seattle is as Easy as 1, 37, 12!

As the price of gas continues to fly higher than a bald eagle on LSD, more and more people are looking for ways to cut commuting costs.

With access to one of the world’s best mass transit systems, Seattle residents are in a great position to kick the disgusting habit of driving once and for all.

If you’re new to mass transit in Seattle, don’t fret! Just follow these easy tips and you’ll be clearing your environmental conscience and fattening your wallet in no time.

The best thing about mass transit in Seattle is all the choices. We’ve got bus, light rail, monorail, commuter rail, trolley, ferry, and much, much, more! Of course, all these choices can be intimidating to someone who is used to the boring one-trick-train systems in lesser cities such as Chicago or New York.

7 Ways to Save $7,777 by Christmas in July

As the price of gas barely pauses at $4 on its way up to $10 a gallon and you find yourself spending $300 at the grocery store for little more than an organic grapefruit and a box of low sodium Wheat Thins, it is only by the grace of home equity withdrawals that so many of us have avoided bankruptcy this long.

It is getting harder and harder to make ends meet these days, let alone find the money to take advantage of all the latest great sales at our favorite stores. With the amazing savings of Independence Day sales and Christmas in July just around the corner, it’s time to start looking for ways to save some coin.

Thankfully, all you have to do is follow these practical money-saving steps based on the average Seattle-area budget, and you are guaranteed to save $7,777 in just four weeks.

How To: Get Internet in Your Own Home

As you walk the happening streets of Ballard, you may occasionally overhear some trendy young people talking about something called “Internet.” Internet is like a kind of world-wide computer brain that knows everything. With Internet you can find the answer any question and satisfy any craving, no matter how base and repulsive it may be.

Getting Internet into your home can be tricky, which is why The Naked Loon has compiled this quick guide to getting Internet.

In order to get Internet, you first need to realize what Internet is, and just as importantly, what it is not. It’s not a big truck that you can just back up to your garage or something. You need technology to get Internet.

Naked Loon Travel: Boston

As a resident of the greater Seattle area, you know that there is no better place on Earth than the perfect paradise we live in here in the Puget Sound.

While traveling outside of our green and blue utopia is a decidedly bizarre and unnatural course of action, it is understandable that you might sometimes find yourself wondering what life is like for the unprivileged masses that are doomed to live in the less desirable 99.99% of the planet.

Thankfully for you, The Naked Loon is rushing to your aid yet again, going places you don’t want to go and coming back to bring you all the disturbing details. This month’s punishing journey takes our roving reporter 2,500 miles away, clear over to the shriveled husk of an allegedly-once-great city: Boston, Massachusetts.

Giving Panhandling Bums What For

As sunny weather begins to return to the Northwest, so do the problems associated with warmer temperatures, including one of our area’s most troublesome nuisances: panhandlers.

The street beggars have begun their yearly migration back to the green utopia of the greater Seattle area, and by mid-June you’ll hardly be able to drive three blocks without being accosted by dozens of their carefully crafted cardboard pleas. It used to be that they stuck to downtown street corners, but surveys in recent years have found panhandlers in over 87% of Puget Sound neighborhoods.

You’re a compassionate person, but you can’t give them money every time you drive by…

Avoiding the Construction Crazies

Thanks to its irresistible natural, economic, and cultural allure, the Puget Sound has seen an explosion of population in the last few years, and will continue to grow ever more rapidly in the years to come. In fact, over ten million people are expected to move here just next year, escaping such inhospitable locales as California, Japan, and Portland.

Growth is great for the local economy, but all these new residents obviously need places to live…

Seize the Spring, Before it’s TOO LATE

With temperatures reaching all the way up into the 60s, and wet and dreary days giving way to partial clouds with a mere 50% chance of rain, spring has finally taken hold here in the Puget Sound. As we begin to venture outside, away from the comfort of our marble countertops and bamboo floors, it is fun to rediscover all that the outdoors has to offer around the sound. For the half of the population that moved here from California in the last year, springtime offers a host of all-new experiences.

Washington Poison Center Introduces Mr. Yum

The Washington Poison Center held a press conference today to announce the introduction of Mr. Yum, a new character that will be used to further their mission to properly condition children against poisons.

The new Mr. Yum character retains the familiar green color of the Mr. Yuk brand, but in place of an angry face sticking out its tongue, Mr. Yum sports a sly grin as he licks his lips.

Local Entrepreneur Pursues Futile Dreams

In an apparent case of temporary insanity, Seattle-area resident Marty Mathis quit his job last month to begin a hopeless quest to build a home-based business.

“I’ve always wanted to work from home,” Mathis said. “With all these great ideas swimming around in my head and the few thousand dollars I’ve managed to save up, I figured there wasn’t going to be a better time to pursue my dreams.”

Fun Over for King County Fair

Following years of waning attendance, organizers of the King County fair have announced that they have completely given up all hope of attracting visitors to the 145-year-old event.

In past fairs, the promise of greasy food, exciting rides, and the slim chance of winning an absurdly oversized stuffed cartoon character was used to trick unsuspecting residents into attending an inherently boring festival of agriculture, farm animals, and live action infomercials…