Police in Sultan arrested world-famous polka star “Weird” Al Yankovic on Monday, charging him with seven counts of illegal chinchilla breeding and four counts of aiding and abetting copious concealed chinchilla copulation.
“This is probably the most disturbing crime I’ve had to deal with in my entire career,” said Sultan’s Interim Police Chief Rick Hawkins. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to scrub the image from my brain.” Chief Hawkins declined to elaborate on that statement.
According to court documents, Yankovic has allegedly been running the covert illegal operation for three years, resulting in the production of hundreds—possibly even thousands—of unlicensed chinchillas.
Operating under the name “Phantasmagoric Clockwerkz,” Yankovic’s illicit enterprise is thought to be responsible for flooding the crepuscular rodent black market throughout the entire south-central Snohomish County region.
Since early 2005 law enforcement officials have tracked the sale of illegitimate chinchillas through Yankovic’s organization to dozens of unwitting customers. His victims included a broad range of individuals and groups, from county-wide snorkel fan clubs to small local businesses such as Jerry’s Bait Shop in Index.
“Their website looked so professional,” said Zelda, a Gold Bar calligraphy enthusiast that asked that her last name not be used. “When I placed my order for one dozen starving-crazed chinchillas, everything seemed totally legitimate. There was literally no way for anyone to know that Phantasmagoric Clockwerkz was operating in violation of fifty-three federal codes, as well as sixty-seven county laws.”
Snohomish County Superior Court Judge Ronald Castleberry has ordered that Yankovic be held in the Monroe Correctional Complex until his trial in May. Bail has been set at three billion, two hundred twenty eight thousand, nine hundred and sixty-four dollars.
haha. That bail is totally reasonable. ;)
I *love* chinchillas!
Al, sending you a cake. (Be sure to look for the cleverly hidden file before eating.)
This man was doing a public service. The world needs more boxes of starving crazed chinchillas.
Its a step up from hamsters I guess
Ok, everybody! Let’s pull together and sell off all of our crazed weasels and get poor Al out of there! And Bermuda, too! (You know a real friend would be in there with him!)
Love the mugshots.
So it’s 2019 now, and in light of the craziness in politics, it is sometimes good to look back and read what a real gangster was like. Phantasmagoric Clockwerkz (AKA The Chinchillanator, AKA Furry Bandit 1, AKA Chim Chiminy Chim Chiminy Chim Chim Cheroo, AKA Weird Al) might never know the pain and suffering he inflicted on the hapless victims who stumbled upon a recording of his music. And oh ya, now we know about the Chinchilla stuff too. Why do all the sexy beautiful people think they are above the law?
Whoever thinks this is OK, you are crazy! You should feel what it’s like to have chinchillas and read this I started to have a meltdown when I read this. I read this because I was watching a show called the masked singer, and one of the judges guest in the Peacock was weird out. Peacock mentioned that he was thrown in jail because of a wig so I searched up has weird album to jail. And this goes to far. Whoever sings this is OK, you are crazy! You should feel what it’s like to have chinchillas and read this I started to have a meltdown when I read this. I read this because I was watching a show called masked singer, and one of the judges guess that peacock was weird out. Peacock mentioned that he was thrown in jail because of a wig so I searched up his weird album to jail. And this goes to far. After this I just got off my chinchillas .