With it being Memorial Day Weekend, and me having no friends or family to invite me camping, or to a BBQ, or even a t-ball game I spent my weekend lounging around my second home, the Oak Tree Cinemas on Aurora. Since I have yet to receive payment for my contributions around here I couldn’t actually afford to see any movies. But, as I sat in the lobby pretending to play Cruis’n World I was able to overhear the crowds as they left the new “summer” blockbuster Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Here’s what they had to say:
“I would expect that kind of crap from The Mummy or National Treasure, but this is Indiana Jones!” – A disappointed geek.
“Wait, he was named after the dog?” – Confused girl.
“You know, archaeology isn’t actually like that.” – An archaeology geek.
“I really expected the skull to be more crystally-er.” [crystalier?] – Paris Hilton?
“Dude, you gotta call that guy you know around here. See if he can score us some …” – Sketchy looking white dude.
“I wanted more Nazis.” – Some old dude.
“Is that really based on a true story?” – A quizzical young boy.
“Sir, if you don’t have any quarters let somebody else play the game.” – Pimple faced manager.
“No time for love Dr. Jones.” – A Short Round fan.
“Shia is so dreamy. He should be the star instead of that dumb Harriana Jones.” – A tween girl.
“What’s a Commonist?” – Some dumb kid.
“The only thing that could have made that better was lasers. . . Lasers, and Koala Bears.” – A Genius.
That’s all I was able to hear before the popcorn popper started making some loud screeching sound and I decided it would be best to get out of Dodge. So if you’re one of the few people that haven’t seen this yet, now you’ll know what you’ll be saying once you get your mind blown. And Jeff, you’ll get that full review once I start getting my checks.
It seemed half-done. I enjoyed it anyway.
Jeff needs to stop being a loser and pay you already!