Hey, you’re not some kind of loser, are you? Of course not. So, it’s time you stopped spending your evenings and weekends sitting on a park bench trying to goad squirrels and pigeons into fighting each other. It’s time to make something of yourself. It’s time to get on the internets.
In the past we have discussed the how of getting internet, but not the why. So let’s talk about all the amazing things internet can do for you.
Maybe the reason you spend all your free time picking on helpless woodland creatures is because you’re kind of a jerk. Lucky for you, everyone is a jerk on the internets, so you will fit right in! Go ahead and leave a pointless rude comment on that blog and flag every Craigslist ad with a minor punctuation error—everyone else is!
Do you have nagging pains, sudden ear hair loss, or a mysterious rash in the shape of the Kitsap peninsula? No problem! With internets you can solve literally any unsolved medical issue you may be facing.
Have you ever wanted to know the intricate back story of every single minor character from Star Wars, Yu-Gi-Oh, or Teletubbies? With internets you could spend months reading the enthralling details of Junky Scorpion store owner’s life, and still have only scratched the surface.
Getting internets is great for your personal life, too. You can sign up for free accounts on web places that will give you all kinds of friends and even come up with awesome things you can do with your new friends like poking them or seeing who can give their personal page the most repulsive design. Whoever scratches their eyes out first loses.
So what are you waiting for? Go read our helpful guide on how to get internets in your home, and get on the road to awesome post haste!