Officials Shocked to Discover Sex Acts for Sale at Strip Club

Documents filed in federal court on Monday revealed the results of an extensive law enforcement investigation into a series of strip clubs across King, Pierce, and Snohomish counties. Officials were shocked to learn that performers at the clubs were not only being paid to sensually remove all their clothes in private one-on-one shows, but it turns out they were also performing illegal naughty deeds for money as well.

“It really was surprising,” said one FBI agent who declined to give his name. “I mean, who would have guessed that when you pay young girls to dance around naked in front of a bunch of horny men, they end up disregarding the ‘look but don’t touch’ laws?”

Federal officers raided four Puget Sound area strip joints: Rick’s in Seattle, Sugar’s in Shoreline, Honey’s in Everett, and Fox’s in Pierce County. “If only we could determine what these businesses have in common that would lead to such rampant contempt of our prostitution laws,” said another anonymous FBI agent.

Snohomish County Sheriff John Lovick shook his head in disgust as he pondered the news. “The law is quite clear on this,” he said, “The County has no problem with some innocent nude dancing as long as the performers keep a perfectly natural four feet away from the customers—but apparently these businesses are having a hard time with that.”

According to court records, undercover detectives visited the strip clubs thousands of times over the past two years as they built their case. The detectives said that virtually every dancer offered to perform lewd acts in return for money—that is to say, they offered to engage in illegal lewd acts in addition to their perfectly legitimate lewd dances.

All four clubs were shut down by federal officials Monday. “Until we can figure out what would motivate all these people to make the huge leap from paying to watch nude dancing to paying for intimate acts, we just can’t allow these businesses to operate,” said Lovick.

About the Author

Frigyes Karinthy
Naked Loon Neighborhood Correspondent

4 Comments on "Officials Shocked to Discover Sex Acts for Sale at Strip Club"

  1. Bob Snakely | 2008-06-04 at 6:35 AM |

    You mean to tell me that this club is using beautiful young women to sell booze, and dance tipping? I am horrified. What is this world coming to anyway? To make matters worse this is not in the stinky ‘Nalley’s Valley’ this is in the heart of the “timber mill smelly” Everett, the bastion of decency and honor. I can’t believe that working men would go to this place and drink beer, tell nasty stories, ride motorcycles and look at near nude women. Isn’t that just awful.
    1. Stop anyone from killing us with bombs.
    2. Shut down the illegal drugs killing our Puget Sound inner cities.
    3. Track down Terrorists.
    No they have their best people going after nude lap dancing. Hmmm! What’s wrong with this picture?

  2. Well to be fair if I worked for the FBI this is what I’d want to investigate also. I’d investigate it very, very thoroughly.

  3. Ulysses | 2008-06-04 at 4:39 PM |

    Shocking. Utterly surprising. I do wonder what that link is…

  4. Jack LeCerveau | 2008-06-15 at 3:23 PM |

    I think if there was any shock at all for the cops that raided the places was not finding any off duty police officers there. Perhaps they pre-announced the raid to for go that possibility?

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