With accumulating project delays that have pushed back delivery dates for Boeing’s next-generation Dreamliner aircraft by nearly two years, some have begun to question whether the project will ever reach completion. Now, thanks to an exclusive Naked Loon investigative report, the truth has been revealed: The Dreamliner project is in reality nothing more than an elaborate farce.
For the past six months, three dozen Naked Loon reporters have been working under-cover in a variety of positions at Boeing, from the so-called factory floor to the upper levels of management. The startling truth uncovered by our investigative team is that Boeing has neither designed nor built any airplanes since the mid 1990s.
Over the past decade, Boeing has gone to great lengths to maintain the complex illusion that they are in fact still an actual aircraft manufacturer. Employees have been hired and fired, large facilities have been maintained, and news releases have been issued.
In order to maintain the Dreamliner charade, Boeing has been keeping a regular schedule of releasing fancy renderings and building full-scale mock-ups in various stages of alleged development.
Naked Loon agents employed at the factory level report being told by management that their work was part of an airplane building operation, and even our operatives at the management level said that they observed no signs in their daily activities that anything was inaccurate about the official story.
However, during a business trip to the Chicago headquarters, one of our agents in upper management uncovered the truth. During a series of company-wide bi-hourly 20-minute coffee breaks, our reporter spent some alone time in the CEO’s office and discovered a file in his desk with a conspicuous red [TOP SECRET] stamp across it. The contents of the file revealed that Boeing has not built a single aircraft since shortly after the successful release of the 777 in 1995.
The file also revealed that the numerous mechanical parts being diligently produced daily by Boeing employees are simply being shipped to a large junkyard facility in a remote corner of California’s Mojave Desert.
The conspiracy extends far beyond just Boeing, as well. Top airline executives have also willingly played along, falsely claiming to have made orders and taken delivery of hundreds of planes, when in reality the declining airline industry has been decreasing the size of their fleet as demand for air travel sags.
As Boeing’s so-called “customers” that are allegedly on the appropriately-named Dreamliner “waiting list” have been “notified” of the “delays,” they have manufactured the appropriate amount of rage and disappointment in order to maintain the farce.
One crucial point of information was not revealed in the secret file. It is unknown exactly what Boeing has actually been doing to generate revenue since they ceased their manufacturing operations. However, according to Naked Loon calculations, it is possible that they are funding the entire company through sales of Boeing branded hats, t-shirts, Lego models, and other merchandise.
We called CEO James McNerney for a comment, but according to his secretary he was unavailable to speak with us because he was going for a swim in his giant vault of money.
Too funny….thanks for the Friday morning laugh.
I want a giant vault of money to swim in.