Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Loony Bin

The Naked Loon’s official staff blog. Site news, behind the scenes updates, and whatever other random gibberish happens to pop into our heads.

Important Feed Changes

Attention, Naked Loon RSS and email subscribers. By popular request, beginning tomorrow the default Naked Loon feed will be converted to news-only content.

Q: Huh?
A: Your current RSS or email subscription updates with all news content and blog content, including this blog, Forecast Monkey, and others. The new default will be for news content only.

Q: So how do I get the new news-only feed?
A: Sit there and do nothing. Your feed will be converted automatically.

Q: But I like the blogs, you jerk! How can I get them back?
A: If you would like to regain an RSS or email subscription to Naked Loon blog content, visit our Feeds page for the full buffet of subscription options.

Q: You’re a doodie-head.
A: I’m not sure how that’s relevant. And I am not.

Naked Loon Scoops New York Times by SIX MONTHS

Faithful readers of The Naked Loon will recall this story from October 10th:

Sterilizations Skyrocket as Economy Crumbles

With the future looking bleaker by the day in the face of unprecedented economic meltdown, millions of people across the country are turning to sterilization to help them cope with the disaster.

Clinics in virtually every city in America have been flooded with requests for sterilization from middle-age professionals, teens barely out of puberty, and everyone in between. Without exception, those receiving the procedures have cited the country’s dismal, expensive future as explanation.

Now consider the following story from The New York Times, dated today, April 10th:

Uptick in Vasectomies Seen as Sign of Recession

Urologists and clinics have noticed an uptick in recent months in the number of men requesting vasectomies. …the recent anecdotal data, if they hold, would have a historical parallel in the Great Depression, when the birth rate fell sharply.

In what is surely pure coincidence, The New York Times piece even includes quotes from right here in The Naked Loon’s neck of the woods:

In Seattle, Dr. Charles Wilson of the Vasectomy Clinic says that in the last half-year he has performed an average of 123 of the procedures each month — 13 percent above the year-earlier average. “Some come in because they are out of work and have more time on their hands to take care of medical issues,” Dr. Wilson said. “Others are afraid of losing their job and want to get their vasectomy done before they lose their health insurance.”

Unemployment was the reason Michael Swogger, 30, went to see Dr. Wilson. Mr. Swogger was laid off in January from his job as a Microsoft software test engineer. With three children and another on the way, he and his wife decided it was time for a vasectomy.

“I wanted to get this done before the insurance ran out,” Mr. Swogger said.

Of course, we’re probably a little bit biased, but we still think our story was better:

Even seasoned sterility experts have been astounded by the range of people that are now demanding sterilization.

“I am pretty sure that I hit menopause ten years ago,” said 65-year-old Meridith Alexander of West Seattle, who had her tubes tied on Thursday. “And even though I haven’t had a date in thirty years, I figured it’s better to be safe than sorry, you know?”

I think The New York Times will be hearing from our team of imaginary ninja zombie lawyers.

Happy Birthday to Us!

April 1st marks the one-year anniversary for The Naked Loon, which seems like as good a reason as any to spend some time patting ourselves on the back.

In the last 365 days, The Naked Loon has…

Not bad for our first year, I’d say. But you know what, I think we can do better.

Here’s a sneak peek at what we’ve got in store for you, our dear free-loading readers, in Year 2…

  • New get-poor-quick blog: Forecast Monkey
  • New unfunny and unoriginal blog: The Papyrus Virus
  • Continuing coverage of the most important news that really matters a lot to local Puget Soundians (probably!)
  • Online news video broadcasts (maybe!)
  • Shameless attempts to build readership through any means possible!

So let’s hear from you, the cheapskate readers: what do you want out of The Naked Loon in 2009 and early 2010? We exist but to serve your every menial whim, after all.

Rip Van Naked Loon

Whoa, that was a great nap. I feel totally refreshed and ready to take on the world!

So how long was I out? Two, three hours?

What? Thirty-seven days?!? How is that even possible?

Well, no matter. Enough grousing, I suppose it’s time we get back to work. It’s not like this paper is going to produce itself or something. …or is it?

Email This Story Function Fixed

Just a quick programming note to let readers know that the “Email This Story” function is now functioning again, after having been broken for around a month (thanks a lot, WordPress 2.7).

You now have our permission to resume your regularly scheduled friend-spamming.

For those readers that are staring slack-jawed at the monitor right now, with no clue what the heck we’re talking about, consider yourself to have been virtually fish-slapped. Then go read one of the news stories and notice the “Email This Story” link on the top-right of the story and also at the bottom underneath the ratings. And while you’re at it why don’t you click on a few of them and spread the news of The Naked Loon.

The Naked Loon: Fixing stupid bugs and not going out of business or being sold by heartless east coast ownership since 2008!