Radio-Controlled Clocks Spy on Boring Happenings of Local Homes

Increasingly inexpensive and popular radio-controlled “atomic” clocks allow us to complete our meaningless daily tasks with a satisfying sense of precision, but according to a Bellevue research lab, they are also secretly broadcasting the inane details of our lives to unknown locations.

According to the researchers, the average Puget Sound household has 4.7 of the spy clocks scattered throughout their home. The secret spy cameras cleverly hidden in the clocks give a front row seat to one or more shadowy organizations every time you dance by in your underwear.

Although you may find the details of your hollow repetitive existence to be dull and uninteresting, shadowy organizations find no greater pleasure than finding new ways to invade your precious privacy.

In order to disable the spy features of the clocks in your home, researchers recommend setting the clock on a counter and smashing it to bits with a hammer. Just to be sure the threat is neutralized, you should probably also douse the remains with gasoline, burn them, then bury the charred bits in a six-foot hole in your backyard.