Australia Welcomes Complete Lawlessness
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Embracing the country’s long history as the premier place to send the lawless, Australia’s Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced today that the country will do away with laws entirely.
Prime Minister Rudd responded to probing questions from the press by hurling microphones at reporters and challenging indignant cameramen to fisticuffs.
A public vote was held on Monday, in which 97% of the citizens voted in favor of eliminating the overbearing burden that rules and regulations have brought upon the one-time haven for the lawless. “It was really becoming a drag, just walking down an alley and wonderin’ if ya might be breakin’ half a dozen laws just by standin’ there, y’know mate,” said one Sydney resident after voting.
The savings for the government of Australia will be immediate and immense. Obvious cuts include eliminating the police force, the Australian Taxation Office, and all members of the legislature and judiciary.
“We’re really happy to be able to get back to our roots like this,” said Rudd, as he hurled a chair at a radio interviewer that had just insulted his mother. “This nation was founded on lawlessness, and it’s about time we brought our ideals back in line with the reason we inhabited this desolate desert rock to begin with.”
Citizens celebrated the passage of the anti-law with a traditional street riot, replete with random stabbings, naked frolicking, and frequent car fires, burning brightly into the night. “This is the best day of Australian history,” said one resident, “even better than the day Crocodile Dundee II came out.”
Inmates were released from all Australian prisons upon the overwhelming passage of the nega-bill. The remaining shambles of the government has expressed an interest in converting the prisons into adult theme parks, but newly formed gangs of heavily armed preteens have already taken over and fortified many of the facilities.
Analysts are uncertain how the new state of anarchy will affect the Australian economy. Tourism could flourish, as gawkers from around the world flock to the island nation to do whatever the heck they want to do. On the other hand, many of the aircraft parked at the Sydney Airport have already been either commandeered or stripped down to the rims, which leads to questions about the viability of air travel to and from the continent.
Other nations around the world will be keeping close watch to see how Australia’s anarchy develops, and whether such a system would make a viable alternative to the outdated, unrealistically optimistic notions of democracy that have been proven to fail time and again.
Story Tip: Pete Newland of GameBrainSpew – Thanks, Pete!Rate this story: