Voters Infuriated by Unexpected Breakout of Responsibility in Congress

In an unprecedented showing of clear-headedness and restraint, the House of Representatives denied a $700 billion bailout bill designed to keep bankers from suffering the consequences of loaning money to people that cannot pay it back.

As the DOW plunged nearly 800 points following the failure of the bill, angry American voters began flooding congressional switchboards, fax machines, and email inboxes.

“This is outrageous,” began a typical email received by Congressman Jay Inslee of Washington State’s 1st District, who voted against the bill. “We elected you to spend our money with wanton disregard for the long-term consequences, propping up our unsustainable, credit-dependant way of life at all costs, not to prudently consider the potential fallout from throwing billions of dollars into a financial hurricane.”

Although the drop in the DOW was the largest point drop ever, many Americans remain suspicious that Congress may not have gotten the message. After the DOW recovered over sixty percent of Monday’s losses on Tuesday, Americans were even more wary that Congress would not heed the urgent calls to sacrifice our descendants’ financial future to delay the inevitable consequences of our reckless use of credit for a few more months.

In a nationwide poll of three thousand registered voters, eighty-seven percent said that they were “very disappointed” by Congress’ unwillingness to spend our way out of the credit mess.

“If congress does not act quickly to give the banks billions of dollars we don’t have, who knows what could happen,” said Joe Sechsmeute, a Boeing assembly worker from Renton, Washington.

Across the nation, hundreds of thousands of credit-addicted consumers took to the streets in protest to send a message to Congress: “Spend More, Spend Now, Spend Everywhere.”

Fortunately for voters, members of the Senate have heard their calls, and are set to vote Wednesday on an improved version of the bailout bill—now with even more spending.

“If there’s one thing I have learned during my time in the Senate, it’s that there’s no problem so big that throwing a few trillion dollars at it won’t push it off a few more years,” said Patty Murray, Washington State’s senior Senator. “The Senate is ready to do whatever it takes to keep financial institutions from suffering the consequences of decades of irresponsible lending.”