Avoiding the Construction Crazies

Thanks to its irresistible natural, economic, and cultural allure, the Puget Sound has seen an explosion of population in the last few years, and will continue to grow ever more rapidly in the years to come. In fact, over ten million people are expected to move here just next year, escaping such inhospitable locales as California, Japan, and Portland.

Growth is great for the local economy, but all these new residents obviously need places to live. Enter townhomes. It seems you can’t drive three blocks lately without passing a few dozen townhomes under construction.

In fact, just last week you took a quick trip to the grocery store and returned home to discover that while you were out, your next door neighbor sold their cute little rambler to a developer, who had already begun construction of even more townhomes.

Now that you’re faced with months of construction just outside your kitchen window, you may find yourself wishing that you didn’t live in the most desirable corner of the planet. Fortunately, there are a variety of ways to cope with construction next door that don’t require you to move back to California.

Obviously your first choice should be to sell to a developer as well, and move into a nearby already-completed townhome. Townhome developers are extremely generous, and most will pay 150-200% of the market rate for your house, simply out of the kindness of their hearts. And since local population growth will only continue to accelerate, townhome builders are snatching up as many properties as they can get their hands on.

But maybe you don’t want to move because you have an emotional attachment to your house, or you forgot where in the backyard you buried that can of hundred dollar bills. That’s okay, because there are plenty of ways to turn nearby construction from annoying to awesome.

For example, let’s say that as you sit there reading this very paragraph, the bulldozers and steamrollers next door are causing your entire house to rumble, shaking the books off your shelves and making every television show you watch look like an earthquake disaster movie. You can make the most of the unnatural seismic activity by seeing how long you can hold a yoga pose without being shaken to the ground, or by amusing yourself with a game of “which frame is the strongest,” where the last picture frame to fall off the wall without breaking wins.

Do you find yourself missing the tall trees next door that used to provide shade and a sense of privacy? Instead of sitting around mourning your loss, why not capitalize on all the new sunshine by installing some solar panels, which you can use to power a giant neon sign that says “I AM AWESOME.” That way, all the construction workers and your future townhome neighbors will know for sure how awesome you are.

You are a creative and intelligent person, as evidenced by the fact that you live in the Puget Sound and are reading this paper. Unending townhome construction is here to stay, so instead of sneaking around at night sabotaging backhoes, put that enormous intellect to work and take personal advantage of it.