After having houses languish unsold on the market for over a year, the marketer of Grove Cypress, a 15-home development in south Snohomish County, has discovered the key to finding buyers for the remaining $500,000 houses: street balloons.

“We’ve tried banners, flags, sandwich boards, arrow sign wavers… the works,” said Ron Freeman, Grove Cypress lead marketer. “I think the balloons will really do the trick.”

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Friday’s news that the Hearst Corporation will cease all printing operations at the Seattle P-I if a buyer for the paper is not found within 60 days shocked journalism enthusiasts across the Puget Sound.

While some crazy rumors have circulated that the impending closure is due to the fact that the paper has been bleeding money for years, The Naked Loon has obtained an exclusive interview with a high-ranking Hearst executive who reveals the real reason for the sale.

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In a press release Thursday, The Walt Disney Company announced the launch of a new “scared straight” service for naughty toddlers that will debut in seven markets across the country, including Seattle.

“Our proactive and highly efficient business model bypasses the usual parental notifications,” said the statement from Disney’s corporate office. “We locate misbehaving children, scare them straight, and then bill the parents afterward.”

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