Fallen Soldiers Honored with Incredible Memorial Day Sales

From Olympia to Bellingham, Puget Sound residents were out in force today honoring the memories of fallen military men and women by taking advantage of amazing Memorial Day sales at dozens of local retailers.

“What better way to honor those who have died fighting for our freedom than to pick up a designer handbag at Nordstrom for 40% off,” said Seattle resident Mary Fortran. Shoppers all around the Sound apparently agreed, as they grabbed unbelievable deals by the thousands on barbeques at Sears, plasma TVs at Best Buy, and camping gear at REI.

Puget Sound shoppers spent nearly ten million dollars this weekend to honor and remember America’s fallen soldiers. Drawn by colorful sales circulars, they selflessly filled their homes, yards, and monthly storage units with frivolous and unnecessary consumer goods.

The volume of transactions locally and nationally was down slightly from previous years’ Memorial Day sales, leading some to question whether Americans are becoming less patriotic, but patriotism experts say that the decline is likely due instead to declining incomes and crushing debt that the majority of Americans find themselves buried underneath.

Still, the shopping spree here in the Puget Sound and across the country was enough to send the message loud and clear: America remembers those who have died fighting for our freedom to buy Antoinette Jacquard thermal drapes at JC Penny for up to 50% off.

“I really appreciate the outpouring of support we get from the American people every year,” said Queen Anne widow Anne Gerschwitz, whose husband died in Afghanistan in 2005. “When I take the Monorail to Westlake Center and see all those people saving all that money on everything they need for the summer, I get a little teary-eyed.”

Retailers that have been struggling with the sagging economy reported that their Memorial Day sales were a boon not only to the bottom line, but also to the memory of those who have passed on while defending our nation. In a press release Monday, the National Retail Federation indicated that they are looking forward to celebrating America’s independence in July with “even more unheard-of deals.”

About the Author

Frigyes Karinthy

Naked Loon Neighborhood Correspondent

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