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Gorge Amphitheatre to be Moved to Seattle

An artist's conception of the new Seattle Gorge Amphitheatre.
Julie Fisticuffs & Daniel | Flickr↑ click to enlarge ↑An artist's conception of the new Seattle Gorge Amphitheatre.

Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels announced an exciting new plan today by the city to relocate the Gorge Amphitheatre from the backward rural central Washington village of George to the glistening progressive urban utopia of Seattle.

“Seattle is the best place in the State of Washington for entertainment,” said Nickels, “so it just makes sense that we should have the state’s best concert venue located here in our fair city.”

The details of the plan are not yet fully worked out, but city leaders will be working with the venue’s owner, the House of Blues, to work out a feasible transition strategy.

Seattle’s city council unanimously approved the Mayor’s plan, and blindly authorized the necessary funding. “It’s about time that Seattle got its own world-class concert venue,” said councilmember Bruce Harrell, “and frankly, we don’t care who we have to trample to get it.”

Since Seattle does not have any natural gorges, the plan to move the venue includes a massive engineering project to dig the world’s first man-made gorge, thus replicating the amphitheatre’s stunning view. The most likely location for the new gorge is through the Duwamish Waterway between the neighborhoods of West Seattle and Georgetown.

“We figure we can excavate a gorge at least as big as the one in George,” said Nickels. “Then we would raze a good portion of Georgetown and essentially replicate the landscaping of the current location.”

Nickels explained that the amphitheatre will be a far better use of the Georgetown land than its current function of housing smelly industrial businesses, dilapidated warehouses, and youth gangs.

Another possible location would be the current location of Gasworks Park. To make this location work as a gorge amphitheatre, a few million tons of dirt would be dumped on top of the existing park, to create a cliff drop-off and rolling hills. (An artist’s conception of the Gasworks location can be seen above.)

Whatever the final location, city leaders agree that moving the amphitheatre to Seattle will be a huge boon to the city. “Hopefully this exciting plan will help divert our city’s attention from the crushing loss of the Sonics,” Nickels said. “What’s that? Nobody really cares about the Sonics? Oh, well then I guess we’re just doing this for the hell of it.”

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17 Comments on “Gorge Amphitheatre to be Moved to Seattle”

  1. The interesting part about moving to GasWorks would involve the city having to actually deal with all of the contaminants in the ground there. They’re doing a nice job of extracting bits of it to study and keeping the rest carefully covered, while trying to figure out how to clean it. If that gets fixed on a similar timeline to the viaduct, we can assume that the Gorge won’t really get moved anytime soon.

  2. Seriously though, how awesome would that venue be if the picture was real?

  3. Man that guy is an idiot! Leave the gorge where it is! the location is why it works so well! Greg Nickels has $$$$ dancing in his head! Money Money Money! Oh and hey Greg good job on keeping the Supersonics here through the Lease like ya said ya would!

  4. What about those small town business that solely rely on the conserts for business? Did you ever think how this move will effect everyone or just how it will effect your pocket?
    That is why so many people are not making it in this world today. It is our government decissions who are distroying them.

  5. We also need a mile high stadium so maybe if we dredge Georgetown we can pile up the dirt on Fremont and build a rockin’ stadium there!

  6. What crazy money making scheme is this? I love the Gorge because we all can get away from the city to let loose and have fun. No city is going to be able to create that kind of atmosphere by movig a bunch of dirt.
    I agree that Seattle needs a new outdoor venue like the Gorge, but leave my favorite venue where it is!!!
    You take the Gorge away, and it won’t be a great destination to go and party, then I and thousands like me will not go.
    I may still go to some events at the new (fake) Gorge in Seattle, but not anywhere near the draw for me out in the Columbia river gorge.
    Good luck fat cats.

  7. this is disgusting, who would want to look at a filthy city at a festival? what better thing is there than music and a beautiful natural scenery around you? putting the gorge amphitheater across from a city scene is just appalling

  8. i can’t beleive how stupid people are these days. i think the gorge is beautiful and so visited, because of where it is located at! people want to get away from the city and see the amazing NATURAL world not a bunch of dirt piled up to re-create it! that guy is an IDIOT!

  9. I just became familiar with The Gorge recently, and I have to agree that it is better off where it is. Its appeal is that it is off the beaten path. There is nothing wrong with the urban venue the mayor is proposing. Honestly, it sounds like a great idea, but there is no need to tear down The Gorge. It symbolizes the difference between man-made and God-made.

  10. Seems to me that The Gorge Amphitheater is where it’s at because of the fact that people from other areas can get to it easily. There’s more than just Seattle to draw from. It’s location makes it easily accessible to those living in Spokane, Lewiston, Sand Point, Coeure d’Alene, Walla Walla, Yakima, The Tri-Cities of Kennewick, Richland and Pasco, Yakima, Pendleton, Vancouver, Portland, Tacoma. In other words, it’s location is pretty much centralized for everyone. Leave it where it is and leave it alone. It also gives folks a reason to get out of town once in awhile. Life does not revolve around Seattle, there are other places and things to see and do in this state.

  11. Granted, no one wants to argue with the idea of the “the glistening progressive urban utopia of Seattle,” but seriously? The Gorge is the Gorge for one reason alone, because of its namesake. I travel from the midwest each and every year to see DMB under the stars on Labor Day week-end to get away from the city life, offices, computers, and hotels. You take the natural setting away, you might as well re-name it, because it will no longer be the Gorge. Dave Matthews has many times called it “Heaven on Earth,” but could it still carry that title, if it were dropped into a hole, with the backdrop of a city, and no perfectly starry concert nights far from the urban lights? Just my thoughts, but, I wouldn’t make the trip back to see shows in a city amphitheater I can see anywhere, afterall, Red Rocks already exists and you can get to it right from the city (Denver, Boulder, or a quick trip from Seattle to Denver via Frontier) if you want natural beauty built overlooking a city skyline. Please take some more time to consider your ideas, Mayor Nickels, because the money won’t come flowing if the venue relocates. Maybe take a poll of the concert goers just to check your facts, go to the Gorge Campground and Wildhorse Campground, or Moses Lake, and listen to the people – you may be surprised that city convenience doesn’t equal natural beauty that can’t be replaced. Thanks!

  12. Is this honestly going to happen?? Has there been a vote or something?!?!?!
    I’m from the east coast and I want to be able to make it to the gorge someday… but to tear it down… it’s RIDICULOUS!
    the view of lights and population… versus the beauty of natural. This can NOT be happening… just cannot be happening. It makes me so angry to just see the photo-shopped picture.

  13. Nooo, that wouldnt be very cool. the secluded nature is half the beauty of the place

  14. I WAS PART OF THE CREW THAT BUILT THE NEW STAGE THREE YEARS AGO! WHY WOULD LIVE NATION EVEN CONSIDER SOMETHING SO STUPID! ESPECIALLY AFTER PUTTING SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY INTO A NEW STAGE. THE GORGE AMPITHEATER NEEDS TO STAY WHERE IT IS! ITS THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE AND THE AREA THAT BRINGS PEOPLE OUT THERE! THE AMPITHEATER IS FAMOUS FOR ITS GORGEOUS LOCATION, ITS PANAORAMIC VIEWS AND ITS AWESOME FESTIVALS! IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME IN THE CITY. THESE GUYS ARE IDIOTS! DONT MOVE THE AMIPTHEATER! BOYCOTT THIS 100%!!!!!

  15. The weather is the issue. There is a huge weather difference between the gorge and Seattle. No thanks.

  16. I think I’m late to the comment party, but are all of you people certified morons? I bet you are the same people that read The Onion and get upset about the “news” you read on there. Get a grip people, have a good laugh and enjoy the satire.

  17. You people are imbeciles!! Do you really think they would ever eve moving the Gorge, Hell no!!! That wouldn’t happen in a million years!! Get a life and stop reading these lame ass, lying phonies!!!

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