your-world-taxes-full

Posted By: Alfred Matthew 2009-04-25

Robot Mariners Extend Perfect Record in 23,145 to 6 Victory Over Sheep-Clone Angels

In his 6,523rd career game, EDGARTRON-3000 led the Robot Mariners to their landmark 65,536th consecutive win Friday night against the Los Angeles Sheep-Clone Angels.

As usual, the team scored precisely 23,145.0 runs in a perfectly precise execution of baseball. The nine-inning romp included an average of 642.9167 home runs by each of the nine electronic players as the team extended its league-leading record to 3.91*10⁷⁵

Posted By: Addison Berkeley 2009-01-15

Stop Whining and Start Visualizing

You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.

There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.

Posted By: Ash Grimm 2008-08-04

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

2008-12-31

Nickels: Seattle #1 Bestest City in Universe

2008-12-18

WILL IT NEVER END?!?

2008-12-03

Burien Emo Still Recovering from Awful Thanksgiving

Be the first to comment on "your-world-taxes-full"

Leave a comment Cancel reply

2008-08-05

How To: Deal With Annoying Neighbors

When you moved to the city to be close to all the amenities that Seattle has to offer, you forgot to consider one important factor: living in the city means living close to other people—yuck.

Unfortunately, if you want to live in the city (and who doesn’t), you are going to have neighbors. Dealing with people can be a stressful experience, but there are some easy tricks you can use to diffuse the situation when your neighbors get on your nerves.

2008-06-13

Totally Normal Wet, Gray Weather Surprises Forgetful Seattle Residents

Much to the dismay of the recent California migrants that make up 60% of the Seattle-area population, recent Puget Sound weather patterns continue to show no sign of shifting from “gray with drizzle” to “partly gray.”

In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one—cloudy skies, rain, and 60-degree weather continue to persist in the Seattle area as the technical start of “summer” rapidly approaches. Despite the incredible normality of this phenomenon, the dreary weather is the number one topic of conversation for most area residents heading into what promises to be yet another damp, gray weekend.

“I know it doesn’t normally come until July or August, but I wish summer would just hurry up and get here already,” said Dupont resident Stacey Cassel. “Summer is my favorite week of the year,” she added.

2008-06-11

Burner Campaign Runs on Blind Optimism and Rainbows

Despite having pulled off a rare loss in a nationwide sea electoral victories for Democrats in 2006, 8th District Democrat Darcy Burner retains a foolish sense of optimism about her prospects of winning in this year’s rematch with Congressman Dave Reichert.

Burner brings a number of strong advantages to the table in 2008 that she did not have in 2006. Her experience as a political hopeful has now topped three years, which is over three times as extensive as it was in 2006. She also sees her 2006 loss as a strong advantage for her 2008 campaign. “The Democrat majority in congress has as yet failed to end the war in Iraq,” said Burner, “but when I am elected I will single-handedly bring our troops home and end the imperialistic oppression of the Iraqi people.”

2008-05-21

Marysville City Council Erupts in Brawl Over Tractor Ordinance

What began as a routine bi-weekly work session for the Marysville City Council turned into an all-out brawl yesterday when tensions over a proposed tractor ordinance boiled over.

The regulation, which was introduced by councilmember Carmen Rasmussen, would restrict downtown streets to only non-tractor traffic every Thursday evening. “Some of the townsfolk have reported difficulties getting to the farmers’ market,” said Rasmussen as she introduced her proposal.

Tractor policies have long been a heated point of contention in Marysville city politics…

2008-07-12

Nickels Multiplies Bag Fees in Litter-Induced Rage

Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels announced a revision yesterday to his plan to charge city residents for using plastic and paper bags at area grocery stores: The “price” of a bag will rise to $1 for paper and $2 for plastic, a jump from the original fee of 10 cents for paper and 20 cents for plastic.

The fee program was approved by the city council last summer, and has met with substantial resistance from local merchants, tourists, and pretty much everyone one except the mayor.

“We, or rather I, feel it is imperative to make this fine, err, I mean green-use fee sting, in order to teach the upstanding, if obstinate citizens of our eco-friendly city that hurting the earth simply does not pay,” Nickels said Friday afternoon at a press conference hastily organized on the steps of city hall.