Business

A group of Seattle business leaders and local economists released a statement today declaring that the intersection of 6th Avenue and Pike Street is definitely, positively, absolutely immune to a recession.

“It has become apparent that Washington State, Greater Puget Sound, the city of Seattle, and even downtown Seattle are not immune to a recession,” the statement said, “however, we are confident that the encroaching recession will not affect the intersection of 6th and Pike.”

Anchored by the economic powerhouses of Niketown and American Eagle Outfitters, economists are certain that 6th and Pike will easily avoid the increasing unemployment, stagnant wages, and business failures that have plagued the nation in recent months.

With accumulating project delays that have pushed back delivery dates for Boeing’s next-generation Dreamliner aircraft by nearly two years, some have begun to question whether the project will ever reach completion. Now, thanks to an exclusive Naked Loon investigative report, the truth has been revealed: The Dreamliner project is in reality nothing more than an elaborate farce.

For the past six months, three dozen Naked Loon reporters have been working under-cover in a variety of positions at Boeing, from the so-called factory floor to the upper levels of management. The startling truth uncovered by our investigative team is that Boeing has neither designed nor built any airplanes since the mid 1990s.

Over the past decade, Boeing has gone to great lengths to maintain the complex illusion that they are in fact still an actual aircraft manufacturer…

Continuing the Seattle-area’s proud history of innovation and entrepreneurship, a pioneering new company opened its doors this week. Lynnwood-based Public Embarrassment Enterprises promises customers “a warm steaming puddle of (perfectly legal) revenge.”

When murder for hire companies fell out of favor in the late 1980s due to a series of legal challenges and negative media attention, then-student James Rodney—now the CEO of PEE—was taking notes.

Struggling savings and loan giant Washington Mutual announced Wednesday that they will no longer be making payments on their mortgage for WaMu Center, the company’s 42-story downtown Seattle headquarters.

The decision by WaMu follows in the footsteps of an increasing number of distressed homeowners that have walked away from their mortgages as the real estate market continues to experience record declines across the country.

Seattle-based Starbucks Coffee—the McDonald’s of drug-laced drink outlets—faces an growing challenge to their core business model as Chicago-based McDonald’s—the McDonald’s of cheap and disgusting hamburgers—pushes into the world of over-priced status-symbol beverages with an increasingly intense campaign.

Starbucks has faced difficulty in recent years, as their increasingly ridiculous gimmicks have failed to draw in and retain a customer base capable of supporting their breakneck rate of expansion, peaking in 2007 when they opened an average of five new stores every second.