Living

As the price of gas continues to fly higher than a bald eagle on LSD, more and more people are looking for ways to cut commuting costs.

With access to one of the world’s best mass transit systems, Seattle residents are in a great position to kick the disgusting habit of driving once and for all.

If you’re new to mass transit in Seattle, don’t fret! Just follow these easy tips and you’ll be clearing your environmental conscience and fattening your wallet in no time.

The best thing about mass transit in Seattle is all the choices. We’ve got bus, light rail, monorail, commuter rail, trolley, ferry, and much, much, more! Of course, all these choices can be intimidating to someone who is used to the boring one-trick-train systems in lesser cities such as Chicago or New York.

As you walk the happening streets of Ballard, you may occasionally overhear some trendy young people talking about something called “Internet.” Internet is like a kind of world-wide computer brain that knows everything. With Internet you can find the answer any question and satisfy any craving, no matter how base and repulsive it may be.

Getting Internet into your home can be tricky, which is why The Naked Loon has compiled this quick guide to getting Internet.

In order to get Internet, you first need to realize what Internet is, and just as importantly, what it is not. It’s not a big truck that you can just back up to your garage or something. You need technology to get Internet.

Thanks to its irresistible natural, economic, and cultural allure, the Puget Sound has seen an explosion of population in the last few years, and will continue to grow ever more rapidly in the years to come. In fact, over ten million people are expected to move here just next year, escaping such inhospitable locales as California, Japan, and Portland.

Growth is great for the local economy, but all these new residents obviously need places to live…

With temperatures reaching all the way up into the 60s, and wet and dreary days giving way to partial clouds with a mere 50% chance of rain, spring has finally taken hold here in the Puget Sound. As we begin to venture outside, away from the comfort of our marble countertops and bamboo floors, it is fun to rediscover all that the outdoors has to offer around the sound. For the half of the population that moved here from California in the last year, springtime offers a host of all-new experiences.

We all want an awesome place to live. We want a super-posh home in a ridiculously affluent neighborhood that feels popular and sheltered; and most of all, we all want to live in a sterile, plague-free, and ultra-sexy community. Please take a moment to think about the following.

In an apparent case of temporary insanity, Seattle-area resident Marty Mathis quit his job last month to begin a hopeless quest to build a home-based business.

“I’ve always wanted to work from home,” Mathis said. “With all these great ideas swimming around in my head and the few thousand dollars I’ve managed to save up, I figured there wasn’t going to be a better time to pursue my dreams.”

Following years of waning attendance, organizers of the King County fair have announced that they have completely given up all hope of attracting visitors to the 145-year-old event.

In past fairs, the promise of greasy food, exciting rides, and the slim chance of winning an absurdly oversized stuffed cartoon character was used to trick unsuspecting residents into attending an inherently boring festival of agriculture, farm animals, and live action infomercials…