Naked Loon Comics

2008-09-26

Company Revenue Probably About to Expand

In a stand-up meeting at Stanford Sprockets on Friday, company president Bill Brumsfield briefed the staff of 56 on the good news and the bad news of last month’s revenue figures.

“The bad news is that we didn’t meet our projected revenues and we have lost over five hundred thousand dollars this year,” said Brumsfield. “But—the good news is that we’re currently on track to lose less than we did in 2007, and we probably won’t have to file bankruptcy for at least another eighteen months!”

2008-05-01

Avoiding the Construction Crazies

Thanks to its irresistible natural, economic, and cultural allure, the Puget Sound has seen an explosion of population in the last few years, and will continue to grow ever more rapidly in the years to come. In fact, over ten million people are expected to move here just next year, escaping such inhospitable locales as California, Japan, and Portland.

Growth is great for the local economy, but all these new residents obviously need places to live…

2008-05-13

China Declares War on Tectonic Plates

In response to Monday’s devastating earthquake, the People’s Republic of China has declared war on Earth’s tectonic plates.

“Killing over 10,000 of our citizens and destroying our highways, schools, hospitals, and countless homes is clearly an act of war,” said Premier Wen Jiabao. “For too long we have allowed the brutal aggressions of the tectonic plates to go unanswered—no more.”

2009-02-20

Discovery of Twitter Gives Bellevue Man False Sense of Technological Prowess

BELLEVUE, WA — 38-year-old Joe Millar of Bellevue experienced a satisfying surge of adrenaline Friday upon his discovery of Twitter, the so-called “micro-blogging” internet service founded in March 2006.

When he received the new account email from Twitter, Millar was completely overwhelmed by a totally undeserved sense of tech savvy. According to internet experts (i.e. teenagers), over six million users managed to discover Twitter before Millar.

2008-08-23

Twine Ball Heroically Saved from Freak Tornado

Devastation thrashed through Oklahoma Saturday morning in the form of a series of horrifying and rare August tornadoes. Bouncing down the streets and destroying houses like they were nothing at all, the tornadoes did approximately $8.5 million in damage.

Stringtown resident Josiah Harnekey shared his account of the tornado that swept through his neighborhood, destroying his house.

“I got all kids down to the cellar right quick, but then I realized that I didn’t have my twine ball with me.”