Welcome to The Papyrus Virus!

TOPICS:cookies papyrus Top Food

Posted By: Alfred Matthew 2009-04-25

Robot Mariners Extend Perfect Record in 23,145 to 6 Victory Over Sheep-Clone Angels

In his 6,523rd career game, EDGARTRON-3000 led the Robot Mariners to their landmark 65,536th consecutive win Friday night against the Los Angeles Sheep-Clone Angels.

As usual, the team scored precisely 23,145.0 runs in a perfectly precise execution of baseball. The nine-inning romp included an average of 642.9167 home runs by each of the nine electronic players as the team extended its league-leading record to 3.91*10⁷⁵

Posted By: Addison Berkeley 2009-01-15

Stop Whining and Start Visualizing

You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.

There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.

Posted By: Nigel Jones 2009-04-01

Welcome to the new Naked Loon blog: The Papyrus Virus.

If you haven’t noticed any Papyrus typeface today, you probably haven’t been looking. The font covers the country and our beloved Puget Sound like a plague.

This blog will document, catalog, and attempt to stamp out via ruthless mockery the growing virus that is the Papyrus font. We’ll be highlighting our own spottings of the omni-present lettering, but we are also happy to receive user submissions as well. Just send pictures to jones %at% nakedloon %dot% com

So let’s jump right into the Papyrus ridicule, shall we?

Pictured at right is a pair of cookie products we spotted at a local Top Food and Drug outlet. These Franz Lemon Snaps and Vanilla wafers are lousy with Papyrus. I really think the usage of Papyrus makes these cookies super-classy, don’t you?

I mean, what about “written on ancient parchment” doesn’t say “delicious snack” to you?

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

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2008-12-31

Nickels: Seattle #1 Bestest City in Universe

2008-12-18

WILL IT NEVER END?!?

2008-12-03

Burien Emo Still Recovering from Awful Thanksgiving

Nigel Jones

Naked Loon Photographer / Illustrator

2 Comments on "Welcome to The Papyrus Virus!"

signwriterextraordinaire | 2009-04-05 at 11:00 PM |

I know exactly where this plague started!!! This is no joke either. I had some early involvement with the signage and so am an expert on the subject. It all started at “IslandWood” some 8 or 9 years ago! Plenty of time for the virus to spread all over the Puget Sound area! “IslandWood” is a wildlife preserve/sanctuary/educational institute on Bainbridge Island. Only extremely rich kids can go there or extremely poor kids that receive one week scholarships. (The originators of “Spread the Wealth”, and Obama thinks he started it) The extremely poor kids are subsidized by the extremely rich but neither group ever attend at the same time. Plus it is a huge write off for those filthy rich parents. Careful, you will be confronted with the Papyrus Virus immediately. Check it out:
http://www.islandwood.org/
Victoria | 2009-10-05 at 8:46 AM |

How is papyrus any worse than lithos, for pete’s sakes?

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2008-08-18

Attractive Statue Honoring Deserving Local Icons Bewilders Fremont Residents

The unveiling of an exquisitely-crafted bronze statue honoring a pair of admirable local stars triggered widespread panic and confusion among residents of Seattle’s Fremont neighborhood Sunday afternoon.

The superb level of detail and craftsmanship in the statue titled “Late for the Interurban” mystified residents, accustomed to crude concrete depictions found in such local treasures as the Fremont Troll and “Waiting for the Interurban.”

The deserving nature of the local heroes now enshrined in bronze also served to upset and bewilder the locals. Home to a contentious statue of communist leader Vladimir Lenin, Fremont has long maintained a sense of community pride in its ability to embrace art that would ordinarily cause any self-respecting American throw up a little in their mouth.

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2008-07-07

Al-Qaeda to Close Seattle Cell, Cites High Insurance Costs

After months of silence, a video released from al-Qaeda on Monday announced that the struggling organization will close 150 terror cells worldwide, including in Seattle.

The unnamed spokesman in the grainy video cited skyrocketing insurance costs as the primary reason for closing the Seattle cell. “Health, dental, vision, life, automobile, home… it adds up fast,” said the figure.

Most of the local terror cell jobs will be outsourced to Iraq and Pakistan. The move has upset local dedicated al-Qaeda operatives.

“I left my job at Microsoft because I believed in this organization’s three values: Death to America, establish caliphate, and taking care of the martyrs with full vision and dental,” said Shoreline al-Qaeda member Ahmed Moqed…

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2008-07-23

FDIC Folds—Federal Finances Foolishly Floundered

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) announced today that effective immediately they will cease all banking operations nationwide.

“The simple truth of the matter is that we just couldn’t deal with this many banks failing all at once,” said FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair. The government agency provided so-called deposit “insurance” for bank deposits up to $100,000.

Created in 1933 during the Great Depression, the FDIC was intended to be a government-issued security blanket that would restore confidence in the banking system among the American people. Unfortunately, the agency was never granted enough power or funding to handle more than one or two minor bank failures per year.

“We never really expected this degree of crisis,” explained Bair. “I mean, who could have possibly predicted…

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2008-05-10

No Expiration Date on Good Will Toward Area Hungry

In their annual food drive Saturday, Seattle-area letter carriers collected hundreds of thousands of expired and undesirable foods donated by local households.

The food was brought to distribution centers, where it will be sorted and eventually delivered to people that are so hungry they will even happily eat French onion soup dated September 1998.

Common items picked up by the local postal drivers included canned cranberry sauce, kidney and garbanzo beans, and evaporated milk, most commonly having expired between 2003 and 2007…

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2008-05-17

Radio-Controlled Clocks Spy on Boring Happenings of Local Homes

Increasingly inexpensive and popular radio-controlled “atomic” clocks allow us to complete our meaningless daily tasks with a satisfying sense of precision, but according to a Bellevue research lab, they are also secretly broadcasting the inane details of our lives to unknown locations.

According to the researchers, the average Puget Sound household has 4.7 of the spy clocks scattered throughout their home. The secret spy cameras cleverly hidden in the clocks give a front row seat to one or more shadowy organizations every time you dance by in your underwear.

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