administrative

The Loony Bin 2009-01-13

Email This Story Function Fixed

Just a quick programming note to let readers know that the “Email This Story” function is now functioning again, after having been broken for around a month (thanks a lot, WordPress 2.7).

You now have our permission to resume your regularly scheduled friend-spamming.

The Loony Bin 2008-09-23

Lame Excuses

Don’t you hate it when you’re trying to run a consistent online newspaper business, and suddenly your entire staff just up and leaves on a road trip without giving you any notice, and they say they’re going to write stuff from the road, but they only send you a couple of stories, and then they give you some story about how they got a tank of bad gas in Oregon, and it cost them over $400 to fix their car, and they’re sorry but they just haven’t had the time to write you stories, and why don’t you just post a cute picture of a raccoon or something, and anyway we’ll be back Friday and we’ll get right to work, we promise.

I hate it when that happens. Stupid Oregon.

Stupid Oregon

The Loony Bin 2008-09-02

New Feed Options for Naked Loon Readers

For those of you that are reading The Naked Loon via an RSS reader (or would like to), I’d like to point you toward a useful new page: Naked Loon RSS Feeds.

If you’re currently subscribed to The Naked Loon’s RSS feed, you’re viewing the Full Site Feed. For your convenience, we have created fourteen new feeds—one for each section of the site.

If you like the news stories, but can’t stand the blog posts, sign up for the News Only Feed. Or, if you really just like stories in the “Community” section, you can sign up for the Community News Feed. The possibilities are limitless. Okay, that’s not true, but 20,922,789,888,000 (almost twenty-one trillion) combinations is nearly limitless, right?

Anyway, the point is, the power is in your hands.

2008-07-23

FDIC Folds—Federal Finances Foolishly Floundered

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) announced today that effective immediately they will cease all banking operations nationwide.

“The simple truth of the matter is that we just couldn’t deal with this many banks failing all at once,” said FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair. The government agency provided so-called deposit “insurance” for bank deposits up to $100,000.

Created in 1933 during the Great Depression, the FDIC was intended to be a government-issued security blanket that would restore confidence in the banking system among the American people. Unfortunately, the agency was never granted enough power or funding to handle more than one or two minor bank failures per year.

“We never really expected this degree of crisis,” explained Bair. “I mean, who could have possibly predicted…

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2008-06-30

Empty Kenmore Denny’s Still Standing, Nobody Cares

One week after the iconic Ballard Denny’s building was unceremoniously smashed to bits, the 31-year-old Denny’s restaurant building in Kenmore continues to remain standing, a blatant mockery of all that is good and wholesome.

While the architecturally interesting Ballard Denny’s met the steel claw of progress last week, the exceptionally ordinary Kenmore Denny’s building has so far avoided meeting the same fate.

Since the closure of Denny’s in May of 2006, the nondescript building has been sitting gutted and empty without so much as a peep from local neighbors…

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2008-07-14

Ahmadinejad Discovers, Embraces Jewish Ancestry

In a press conference from Jerusalem on Monday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced the stunning findings of a team of Iran’s best genealogists: Ahmadinejad is a sixteenth Jewish.

A stunned silence fell upon the roughly 200 members of the press, most of whom expected the revelation to be followed by an explosive tirade against Israel. Instead, Ahmadinejad calmly explained that he now realizes that his previous “annihilate Israel” platform may have been unnecessarily harsh, and that he intends to fully embrace his newly-discovered Jewish heritage.

“In the past, when I said that ‘anybody who recognizes Israel will burn in the fire of the Islamic nation’s fury,’ I was speaking from an outsider’s misunderstanding of what it means to be Jewish,” said Ahmadinejad as he donned a traditional kippah. “It turns out that the Zionist regime really isn’t that bad after all.”

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2009-01-13

How To: Avoid Layoff-pocalypse Victimization

With something like eleven out of every ten companies in the Seattle area laying people off these days, it’s probably about time for those of you who still have a job to plan your layoff apocalypse survival strategy.

Intrepid Naked Loon staff members have endured a grueling schedule packed full of interviews with firing managers, library visits to scour the internets, and hour after hour crunching HR statistics—all to help you keep your job. Aren’t we great.

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2008-08-18

Attractive Statue Honoring Deserving Local Icons Bewilders Fremont Residents

The unveiling of an exquisitely-crafted bronze statue honoring a pair of admirable local stars triggered widespread panic and confusion among residents of Seattle’s Fremont neighborhood Sunday afternoon.

The superb level of detail and craftsmanship in the statue titled “Late for the Interurban” mystified residents, accustomed to crude concrete depictions found in such local treasures as the Fremont Troll and “Waiting for the Interurban.”

The deserving nature of the local heroes now enshrined in bronze also served to upset and bewilder the locals. Home to a contentious statue of communist leader Vladimir Lenin, Fremont has long maintained a sense of community pride in its ability to embrace art that would ordinarily cause any self-respecting American throw up a little in their mouth.

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