Millions of Nerds Wet Pants in Excitement Over New iPhone

With millions of breathless, quivering nerds hanging on his every live-blogged word, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the specifics today of the latest incremental improvements in the company’s flagship product, the iPhone.

The unveiling of such exciting new features as a black plastic back, metal buttons, and an optional white case for the 16GB model make the iPhone 2.0 the most exciting new device in the history of electronics, and quite possibly the greatest technological achievement in all the universe.

Reactions among Seattle-area nerds were especially enthusiastic. A gathering of Apple fanboys hunched over their Macbook Airs at the University Zoka coffee shop greeted the announcements with the kind of wide-eyed shrieks of adulation usually only seen among preteen girls at a Backstreet Boys concert.

“I’m super excited about the new iPhone,” said Tad Steele, some kind of web programmer for Amazon. “I can’t wait to wait in line at the Apple store again.”

The biggest question facing the throngs of Apple fanboys now is what to do with their passé iPhones 1.0, which are still tied to another year of contracted AT&T service. Popular suggestions among the University Zoka crowd included using it as an aquarium decoration, donating it to a museum, or discovering first-hand if it does in fact blend.

Adam Hayfield, a self-proclaimed “uber-nerd” from Capitol Hill, has spent over $10,000 on various Apple products in the last nine months. He says that the iPhone 2.0 “pretty much fulfilled my every fantasy today,” and that “you don’t even know how difficult it is going to be to concentrate on my guild’s WOW raids for the next 32 days, eight hours, and twenty-nine minutes.”

While the original iPhone was priced at $599 for an 8GB edition, the 8GB iPhone 2.0 will cost a mere $199. This surprisingly low price-point has left some nerds confused. “I always considered the ridiculously high price of Apple products to be a nice feature,” said Steele. “I don’t think it will be nearly as useful as a status symbol at this price.”

“Now what am I going to do with all this extra plasma I was saving up to sell,” said Hayfield. “I guess I’ll just have to buy another Mac Mini for the bathroom or something.”

Apple plans to sell 10 million iPhones by the end of the year. With the release of the new model expected to spur sales of the new iPhone to 3-4 million nerds that previously bought an original iPhone, analysts predict they will easily achieve this goal.

About the Author

John Fostr

Naked Loon Technology Reporter

4 Comments on "Millions of Nerds Wet Pants in Excitement Over New iPhone"

  1. Technius Ignoramus | June 9, 2008 at 5:42 pm |

    I still want a rotary cell phone.

  2. Oh I am so with you on that one, Technius. A rotary cell phone with an actual physical ringer.

  3. Oh yeah, I saw one of those rotary cellphones once – it was honest to God the center of the party. Everyone wanted to call/answer it.

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