Documents filed in federal court on Monday revealed the results of an extensive law enforcement investigation into a series of strip clubs across King, Pierce, and Snohomish counties. Officials were shocked to learn that performers at the clubs were not only being paid to sensually remove all their clothes in private one-on-one shows, but it turns out they were also performing illegal naughty deeds for money as well.
“It really was surprising,” said one FBI agent who declined to give his name. “I mean, who would have guessed that when you pay young girls to dance around naked in front of a bunch of horny men, they end up disregarding the ‘look but don’t touch’ laws?”
Federal officers raided four Puget Sound area strip joints: Rick’s in Seattle, Sugar’s in Shoreline, Honey’s in Everett, and Fox’s in Pierce County. “If only we could determine what these businesses have in common that would lead to such rampant contempt of our prostitution laws,” said another anonymous FBI agent.
Snohomish County Sheriff John Lovick shook his head in disgust as he pondered the news. “The law is quite clear on this,” he said, “The County has no problem with some innocent nude dancing as long as the performers keep a perfectly natural four feet away from the customers—but apparently these businesses are having a hard time with that.”
According to court records, undercover detectives visited the strip clubs thousands of times over the past two years as they built their case. The detectives said that virtually every dancer offered to perform lewd acts in return for money—that is to say, they offered to engage in illegal lewd acts in addition to their perfectly legitimate lewd dances.
All four clubs were shut down by federal officials Monday. “Until we can figure out what would motivate all these people to make the huge leap from paying to watch nude dancing to paying for intimate acts, we just can’t allow these businesses to operate,” said Lovick.