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• Bremerton to Seattle: “You’re ugly.” Seattle to Bremerton: “Yeah, well you’re poor.”
• Sky Marshals Subdue Wild-Eyed Terrorist Wielding Wireless Mouse
• Kenmore Man Bests Personal High Temp Score at 104°
• …And, We’re Back.
• The Naked Loon: Totally Not Dead
• Queen Anne Man Admits: “I kinda miss the snow,” Receives Well- Deserved Gut Punch
• Elections Director Blatently Violates Election Law, Receives Award
• Diagnoses of Inauguration Fever Up Ten Thousand Percent
• Totally Rad Snowfort Finally Melts Completely Away
• The Day After Tomorrow Declared Seattle’s Official Movie
• Mayor Nickels Breaks Legs in Violent Hippopotomous Encounter
• Improper Ribbon Usage #1 Cause of Holiday-Related Deaths
• Wedgewood Resident: Tell the Neighbor’s Crazy Psycho Dog to Stop Staring at Me
• 1 in 5 Headline Writers Use Meaningless Stats to Fill Space
• Dept. of Ecology Fines Orca L-pod for Illegal Dumping
• Veterans Honored with Angry Screaming War Protest
• Bremerton Tired of Being Ignored—For Real This Time
• Robot Ronald Reagan Sweeps all 50 States
• Both of Seattle’s Basketball Fans Depressed as NBA Season Begins
• Researchers Conclude Cat Urine “Mostly Ineffective” at Reducing Facial Wrinkles
• Banana Spill on 520 Bridge Sends 500 Commuters into Lake Washington
• Cloud Cover Linked to Superior Intellect
• Bob the Plumber Sues McCain for Discrimination
• Market Recovers Fraction of Massive Losses: Crisis Averted!
• 1st National Bank of Under My Mattress Reports Record Deposits
• Lingerie-Clad Baristas Shocked by Sexual Harassment
• Former WaMu CEO: “Whoo-oops!”
• Creepy Dog Next Door Still Staring Blankly Into Living Room
• Polar Fleece: The Pinnacle of Clothing Technology
• Ron Sims + Twitter = Local Blogosphere Lovefest
• Four-Way Stop Wave-a-thon Now in Sixth Hour
• Clear Skies, Highs in the 70s Return to Terrorize Population
• Pike Place Fish Throwers Face Animal Cruelty Lawsuit
• Wallingford Neighborhood Renamed “North Lake Union”
• For the Last Time: Crayons—Not for Eating
• Frito Lay Profits Soar During Hempfest
• Cloudless Skies Linked to Brain Cancer
• Seattle Craigslisters Flag Off 1,000,000th Legitimate Post
• Local Observers Say Olympic Coverage Not Olympicy Enough
• Girl at Gym Won’t Shut Up About Her New Prius
• Angry Liberals Fail to Prevent Blue Angels Performance for 12th Straight Year
• Confrontational Cyclists Feign Shock Over Violent Motorist Outburst
• Unusually Sunny Weather Lures Naïve Californians to WA
• Bite of Seattle “Pretty Okay This Year”
• Boeing Preemptively Declares War with Machinists
• Political Pundit Accidentially Respects Fellow Man
• Schultz & Stern Battle for “Most Hated” Title
• Court Rules Landowners Must Destroy Environment
• Oranges: Are They Really Good For You?
• The News: Who Cares?
• State Political Parties Declare Moral Bankruptcy
• Paul Allen Announces “Experience Paul Allen Project”
• Mariners Fire Mascot Moose
• Let’s Hear it for Your Seattle Trailblazers!
• Survey: 100% of Seattle Drivers Dislike Traffic
• iPhone 2.0 Cures Cancer Before Even Being Released
• Summer Cancelled
• Mayor Nickels to Dig Tunnel Himself if Necessary
• Wii Fit Allows False Sense of Fitness Without Costly Monthly Gym Fees
• Seattle Swelters in Blistering 60-Degree Heat Wave
• Missing Issaquah Cat Probably Eaten by Coyotes
• Puget Sound Dyed Green to Celebrate Environmental Achievements
• Study Confirms Harmful Health Effects of Eye Contact with Strangers
• Millions of Pirated DVDs Destroyed in China Quake
• Fremont troll finally crushes VW Bug
• DOT Employee on Viaduct Options: “Don’t quote me on any of this.”
• Bingo Hall Closure Devastates Everett Night Life
• Spokane: Does it Really Exist?
• Yuppies & Hipsters Battle for Control of Kirkland
• Construction Crane Named Official Bellevue Mascot
• Last Remaining Ballard Swede Finally Captured
• Yankees Fan Assaulted “Just for the hell of it”
• Headline Writer Um, Er, Uh, Draws Blank
• Clouds Briefly Part to Reveal Mysterious Yellow Orb
• Ghost of Kingdome Haunts Pioneer Square
• Starbucks Renames Seattle’s Best Brand to “Seattle’s 2nd Best Coffee”
• Fremont Secedes from Seattle
• Viaduct Decision Could Come Today… Or Not