Monday, September 1, 2014

Archive for July 2008

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Stingy Geek Reluctant to Spend Four Dollars to Download Dr. Horrible

Stingy Geek Reluctant to Spend Four Dollars to Download Dr. Horrible

Kirkland resident Matthew Teton reported Thursday that he has not yet decided if it is worth four dollars on iTunes to download the hit internet supervillain musical Dr. Horrible.

Teton insists that his indecision has nothing to do with the entertainment quality of the production from Firefly producer Joss Whedon, describing it as “totally hilarious” and “a must-watch.”

“Neil Patrick Harris was perfect as the aspiring villain and bumbling romantic Dr. Horrible,” said Teton. “But is it worth four dollars to be able to have Dr. Horrible on my iPhone… I just don’t know.”

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Ronald Reagan Returns from Grave to Slam Republicans

Ronald Reagan Returns from Grave to Slam Republicans

Former President Ronald Reagan returned from the afterlife Wednesday to deliver a message to members of the Republican Party: “You are the problem.”

In a blatant beyond-the-grave violation of the 11th commandment—thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican—a ghostly image of Reagan floated over his tomb at the Reagan Library in Simi Valley and launched into a two-hour tirade against the Republican party in general and a number of Republicans specifically.

“What the hell, guys,” said the spectre, visibly agitated. “How is it possible that so many of you can be claiming my legacy and yet continue to so dramatically screw things up?”

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Twentysomethings’ Business Ideas Meeting Deemed a Success

Twentysomethings' Business Ideas Meeting Deemed a Success

Gainfully employed twentysomething Mark Jones reported Tuesday that last night’s business ideas meeting with five of his friends at McCormick & Schmick’s was “definitely a rousing success.”

The meeting was initiated by an email from Jones to six of his former college friends with the subject line “let’s all quit and get rich.” Although the six men aged twenty-six to twenty-nine are all gainfully employed, making $60-$90,000 a year, the suggestion was met with great enthusiasm.

“It’s like, who doesn’t want to stick it to the man, and strike it out on their own,” said Gabe Lamont, 27, currently employed as a software engineer for Amazon.com.

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