your-world-world-class-feed

Posted By: Alfred Matthew 2009-04-25

Robot Mariners Extend Perfect Record in 23,145 to 6 Victory Over Sheep-Clone Angels

In his 6,523rd career game, EDGARTRON-3000 led the Robot Mariners to their landmark 65,536th consecutive win Friday night against the Los Angeles Sheep-Clone Angels.

As usual, the team scored precisely 23,145.0 runs in a perfectly precise execution of baseball. The nine-inning romp included an average of 642.9167 home runs by each of the nine electronic players as the team extended its league-leading record to 3.91*10⁷⁵

Posted By: Addison Berkeley 2009-01-15

Stop Whining and Start Visualizing

You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.

There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.

Posted By: Marty E. 2008-10-26

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

2008-12-31

Nickels: Seattle #1 Bestest City in Universe

2008-12-18

WILL IT NEVER END?!?

2008-12-03

Burien Emo Still Recovering from Awful Thanksgiving

Be the first to comment on "your-world-world-class-feed"

Leave a comment Cancel reply

2008-05-13

China Declares War on Tectonic Plates

In response to Monday’s devastating earthquake, the People’s Republic of China has declared war on Earth’s tectonic plates.

“Killing over 10,000 of our citizens and destroying our highways, schools, hospitals, and countless homes is clearly an act of war,” said Premier Wen Jiabao. “For too long we have allowed the brutal aggressions of the tectonic plates to go unanswered—no more.”

2008-07-25

Survey: 2% of Consumers Give a Crap About Blu-ray

A recent survey conducted by the Seattle-based Tech Trends Research Institute (TTRI) found that a surprisingly high two percent of US consumers give a crap about Blu-ray high-definition video discs.

The results come as something of a blow to the Blu-ray Disc Association, a thinly-veiled front operation run by Sony Corporation, who had hoped consumers would jump at the chance to replace their perfectly functional DVDs with incrementally better Blu-ray discs priced twice as high.

“It doesn’t make sense,” said Jorge McManus, a representative for Sony Corporation of America. “We beat HD-DVD like, five months ago. Why aren’t people lining up to give us money?”

2008-04-01

Local Entrepreneur Pursues Futile Dreams

In an apparent case of temporary insanity, Seattle-area resident Marty Mathis quit his job last month to begin a hopeless quest to build a home-based business.

“I’ve always wanted to work from home,” Mathis said. “With all these great ideas swimming around in my head and the few thousand dollars I’ve managed to save up, I figured there wasn’t going to be a better time to pursue my dreams.”

2008-05-22

A Collection of Poetry

Hi, my name is Alexander and I am in the eighth grade. I am an above average English student and author. I don’t prefer to write very much, but I can write pretty good. I can do poetry O.K. if I try real hard, as I have done in this column. This column will show my creativity. Some of the poems will not be that great, but they are my best.

Thank You, and enjoy.

2009-01-13

How To: Avoid Layoff-pocalypse Victimization

With something like eleven out of every ten companies in the Seattle area laying people off these days, it’s probably about time for those of you who still have a job to plan your layoff apocalypse survival strategy.

Intrepid Naked Loon staff members have endured a grueling schedule packed full of interviews with firing managers, library visits to scour the internets, and hour after hour crunching HR statistics—all to help you keep your job. Aren’t we great.