King County Fair

The Loony Bin 2008-10-16

Fun REALLY Over for King County Fair

Anybody remember this story from the Naked Loon’s April 1 launch day? Fun Over for King County Fair

Australia Welcomes Complete Lawlessness

Embracing the country’s long history as the premier place to send the lawless, Australia’s Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced today that the country will do away with laws entirely.

Prime Minister Rudd responded to probing questions from the press by hurling microphones at reporters and challenging indignant cameramen to fisticuffs.

A public vote was held on Monday, in which 97% of the citizens voted in favor of eliminating the overbearing burden that rules and regulations have brought upon the one-time haven for the lawless.

Giving Panhandling Bums What For

As sunny weather begins to return to the Northwest, so do the problems associated with warmer temperatures, including one of our area’s most troublesome nuisances: panhandlers.

The street beggars have begun their yearly migration back to the green utopia of the greater Seattle area, and by mid-June you’ll hardly be able to drive three blocks without being accosted by dozens of their carefully crafted cardboard pleas. It used to be that they stuck to downtown street corners, but surveys in recent years have found panhandlers in over 87% of Puget Sound neighborhoods.

You’re a compassionate person, but you can’t give them money every time you drive by…

DOT Announces New Ultra-Green Ferry Routes

Citing environmental concerns, the Washington State Department of Transportation announced new system-wide ferry routes today.

“Holy crap,” said state Transportation Secretary Paula Hammond, “it turns out that the Puget Sound has a lot of wildlife!” She explained that the new routes will allow ferries to avoid disturbing sensitive natural habitats, with the minor side effect of quadrupling most crossing times.

Sterilizations Skyrocket as Economy Crumbles

With the future looking bleaker by the day in the face of unprecedented economic meltdown, tens of thousands of people across the country are turning to sterilization to help them cope with the disaster.

Clinics in virtually every city in America have been flooded with requests for sterilization from middle-age professionals, teens barely out of puberty, and everyone in between. Without exception, those receiving the procedures have cited the country’s dismal, expensive future as explanation.

Mutant Man-Mouse Hybrid Escapes UW Lab

Disaster struck the U District Monday, as a 6-foot, three-hundred-pound man-mouse hybrid escaped from containment at the University of Washington’s Comparative Genomics Center (CGC) and rampaged through the neighborhood, leaving a trail of terrified children and weirded out adults in its wake.

“It was awful,” said U District resident Penny Orting. “It just came out of nowhere and started waving its hands all over the place, slowly walking toward the children… and they just stood there, paralyzed with fear.”

The genetic abomination is the result of ten years of study at the CGC. A secret project codenamed “Icy Smoke Emu” was funded by $82 million obtained through an innocuous-looking line-item for “test vials” in the biology department’s annual budget.

King County Fair

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