Headlines

Headlines 2009-04-17

Bremerton to Seattle: “You’re ugly.” Seattle to Bremerton: “Yeah, well you’re poor.”

Headlines

Queen Anne Man Admits: “I kinda miss the snow,” Receives Well- Deserved Gut Punch

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Elections Director Blatently Violates Election Law, Receives Award

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Diagnoses of Inauguration Fever Up Ten Thousand Percent

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Totally Rad Snowfort Finally Melts Completely Away

Headlines 2008-12-23

The Day After Tomorrow Declared Seattle’s Official Movie

Headlines 2008-12-09

Mayor Nickels Breaks Legs in Violent Hippopotomous Encounter

Headlines 2008-12-04

Improper Ribbon Usage #1 Cause of Holiday-Related Deaths

Headlines 2008-11-20

Wedgewood Resident: Tell the Neighbor’s Crazy Psycho Dog to Stop Staring at Me

Headlines 2008-11-18

1 in 5 Headline Writers Use Meaningless Stats to Fill Space

Headlines 2008-11-13

Dept. of Ecology Fines Orca L-pod for Illegal Dumping

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2008-09-12

Dan Rather Uncovers Martin Luther King Jr. Memo Endorsing Obama by Name

In an exclusive investigative report set to air Friday morning, veteran newsman Dan Rather will reveal a stunning document unearthed from the files of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in which the late civil rights activist strongly endorses Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election.

Rather will unveil the document during a special edition of his cable news program Dan Rather Reports on HDNet.

2008-11-10

Reichert Collapses into Twitching Convulsions

Eighth District Representative Dave Reichert was hospitalized Monday, as the increasingly heavy burden of being the sole Republican hope in the Seattle area finally became too much to bear.

The stunning news came even as vote counts in King and Pierce counties extended Reichert’s now comfortable 13,000-vote lead in his re-election bid against Darcy Burner, a former Microsoft ~~executive~~ middle manager whose impressive credentials include a degree in ~~economics~~ computer science.

2009-01-04

Top Rumors for 2009

(Visit The Naked Loon to view this life-altering graphic)

2008-07-15

Lighthouses: They Rock

Have you ever stopped to think about what life would be like if there were no lighthouses in existence? No West Point Light Station at Discovery Park? No Admiralty Head Light? No Alki Point Light?

I didn’t think so, so here’s your chance to do so.

Done already? Well okay then. Your conclusion probably went along the lines of this: “I don’t want to think today. Also, you can’t tell me what to do.” Well if that’s the way it’s going to be, you leave me no choice but to straight up tell you what the world would be like if we didn’t have any lighthouses.

Imagine this. You are a captain of SS Blue Flamingo and are on a very important mission to deliver three tons of marijuana to the U.S. so that all the suffering cancer patients can toke up and forget they have cancer. Day turns to night, and you find yourself in the perilous waters of Dead Cows Corner…

2009-02-20

Discovery of Twitter Gives Bellevue Man False Sense of Technological Prowess

BELLEVUE, WA — 38-year-old Joe Millar of Bellevue experienced a satisfying surge of adrenaline Friday upon his discovery of Twitter, the so-called “micro-blogging” internet service founded in March 2006.

When he received the new account email from Twitter, Millar was completely overwhelmed by a totally undeserved sense of tech savvy. According to internet experts (i.e. teenagers), over six million users managed to discover Twitter before Millar.

Headlines

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