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The Loony Bin 2009-01-13

Email This Story Function Fixed

Just a quick programming note to let readers know that the “Email This Story” function is now functioning again, after having been broken for around a month (thanks a lot, WordPress 2.7).

You now have our permission to resume your regularly scheduled friend-spamming.

2008-10-09

Deprivation and Despair Overwhelm Seattle

The growing worldwide economic crisis has finally hit home, as residents across the Puget Sound are taking unprecedented measures to make it through these tough times. The Naked Loon performed a series of man on the street interviews with regular folks about how they are coping with financial despair.

What follows are unedited excerpts of these heart-wrenching personal tales.

2008-05-24

The Future: Let’s get on with it already

It is time to admit the obvious. We have failed. It’s the year 2008 and we’re still waiting for the future to arrive.

What the hell, people? Where did we go wrong? Wasn’t the future supposed to be, like, a thousand times cooler than this? How is it that our biggest concerns in today’s society are gas prices and doing daily chores?

How is it that we were able to go all the way to the MOON in 1969, but today the best that a robot servant can do is vacuum floors or clean gutters.

2008-08-23

Twine Ball Heroically Saved from Freak Tornado

Devastation thrashed through Oklahoma Saturday morning in the form of a series of horrifying and rare August tornadoes. Bouncing down the streets and destroying houses like they were nothing at all, the tornadoes did approximately $8.5 million in damage.

Stringtown resident Josiah Harnekey shared his account of the tornado that swept through his neighborhood, destroying his house.

“I got all kids down to the cellar right quick, but then I realized that I didn’t have my twine ball with me.”

2008-06-09

Millions of Nerds Wet Pants in Excitement Over New iPhone

With millions of breathless, quivering nerds hanging on his every live-blogged word, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the specifics today of the latest incremental improvements in the company’s flagship product, the iPhone.

The unveiling of such exciting new features as a black plastic back, metal buttons, and an optional white case for the 16GB model make the iPhone 2.0 the most exciting new device in the history of electronics, and quite possibly the greatest technological achievement in all the universe.

Reactions among Seattle-area nerds were especially enthusiastic…

2008-04-16

Hundreds of Thousands Return to Self-Centered Lives

Over 175,000 people returned to their usual self-centered lives today after attending various events during the Dalai Lama’s five-day “Seeds of Compassion” Seattle tour.

Throughout his visit to Seattle, the Dalai Lama spoke extensively of kindness and compassion, to approving applause from crowds numbering in the tens of thousands. Following these inspirational events, residents of the Seattle area promptly went back to their day-to-day lives, living in exactly the same way as before.

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