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The Papyrus Virus 2009-04-01

Welcome to The Papyrus Virus!

Welcome to the new Naked Loon blog: The Papyrus Virus.

If you haven’t noticed any Papyrus typeface today, you probably haven’t been looking. The font covers the country and our beloved Puget Sound like a plague.

This blog will document, catalog, and attempt to stamp out via ruthless mockery the growing virus that is the Papyrus font. We’ll be highlighting our own spottings of the omni-present lettering, but we are also happy to receive user submissions as well. Just send pictures to jones %at% nakedloon %dot% com

So let’s jump right into the Papyrus ridicule, shall we?

2008-09-02

Gregoire Asks Bush to Declare Safeco Field Federal Disaster Area

Christine Gregoire today asked President Bush to declare a federal disaster area for Washington State counties hit hard by this year’s unspeakably horrendous Mariners’ season.

Gregoire requested federal assistance for King, Snohomish, Pierce, Kitsap, Thurston, and Island counties.

On Monday, Gregoire viewed Safeco field by air and visited Mariners team stores in downtown Seattle and Bellevue to survey damage from this year’s record low number of team wins…

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2008-05-21

Marysville City Council Erupts in Brawl Over Tractor Ordinance

What began as a routine bi-weekly work session for the Marysville City Council turned into an all-out brawl yesterday when tensions over a proposed tractor ordinance boiled over.

The regulation, which was introduced by councilmember Carmen Rasmussen, would restrict downtown streets to only non-tractor traffic every Thursday evening. “Some of the townsfolk have reported difficulties getting to the farmers’ market,” said Rasmussen as she introduced her proposal.

Tractor policies have long been a heated point of contention in Marysville city politics…

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2008-05-17

Radio-Controlled Clocks Spy on Boring Happenings of Local Homes

Increasingly inexpensive and popular radio-controlled “atomic” clocks allow us to complete our meaningless daily tasks with a satisfying sense of precision, but according to a Bellevue research lab, they are also secretly broadcasting the inane details of our lives to unknown locations.

According to the researchers, the average Puget Sound household has 4.7 of the spy clocks scattered throughout their home. The secret spy cameras cleverly hidden in the clocks give a front row seat to one or more shadowy organizations every time you dance by in your underwear.

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2008-07-09

Communism Threat Finally Neutralized, Seattle Updates Civil Defense Plans

Seattle city officials held a progress review meeting today to update the city’s civil defense preparations. The meeting was hastily ordered by Mayor Nickels after a city clerk discovered an obscure city code dating back to the 50s that requires the city to update its civil defense plans and distribute updated materials to the public every ten years. Seattle has not updated its civil defense plans since 1951.

…changes to the civil defense materials include updates to lists of subversive organizations and replacing detailed explanations of death by atom bomb with comprehensive descriptions of death by chemical or biological attack.

“We’re pretty proud of what we were able to produce on such a short notice,” said Mayor Nickels, who explained that updated civil defense pamphlets and books will be available to Seattle residents as early as next week.

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2009-01-07

Burris Reid Smackdown Tops Cable Rankings

Illinois’ incoming junior senator Roland Burris’ no holds barred brawl with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid drew over one hundred and eighty million viewers Wednesday, with political beatdown enthusiasts from every state in the nation tuning into the brutal five hour match.

Political observers were treated to the first such fight in over one hundred years thanks to an obscure Senate rule requiring disputed seats to be settled in the boxing ring.

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