New Feed Options for Naked Loon Readers

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Posted By: Alfred Matthew 2009-04-25

Robot Mariners Extend Perfect Record in 23,145 to 6 Victory Over Sheep-Clone Angels

In his 6,523rd career game, EDGARTRON-3000 led the Robot Mariners to their landmark 65,536th consecutive win Friday night against the Los Angeles Sheep-Clone Angels.

As usual, the team scored precisely 23,145.0 runs in a perfectly precise execution of baseball. The nine-inning romp included an average of 642.9167 home runs by each of the nine electronic players as the team extended its league-leading record to 3.91*10⁷⁵

Posted By: Addison Berkeley 2009-01-15

Stop Whining and Start Visualizing

You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.

There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.

Posted By: Marty E. 2008-09-02

For those of you that are reading The Naked Loon via an RSS reader (or would like to), I’d like to point you toward a useful new page: Naked Loon RSS Feeds.

If you’re currently subscribed to The Naked Loon’s RSS feed, you’re viewing the Full Site Feed. For your convenience, we have created fourteen new feeds—one for each section of the site.

If you like the news stories, but can’t stand the blog posts, sign up for the News Only Feed. Or, if you really just like stories in the “Community” section, you can sign up for the Community News Feed. The possibilities are limitless. Okay, that’s not true, but 20,922,789,888,000 (almost twenty-one trillion) combinations is nearly limitless, right?

Anyway, the point is, the power is in your hands.

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

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2008-12-31

Nickels: Seattle #1 Bestest City in Universe

2008-12-18

WILL IT NEVER END?!?

2008-12-03

Burien Emo Still Recovering from Awful Thanksgiving

Marty E.

Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

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2008-11-02

What Are We Dreaming Of?

(Visit The Naked Loon to view this life-altering graphic)

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2008-05-03

Study Confirms Seattleites’ Self-Importance

At South Kitsap’s annual science fair last week sophomore Erin Rheinstadt published the results of her groundbreaking three-day study titled “The effects of an inland body of salt water on regional attitudes of superiority.”

The five page double-spaced paper and accompanying three-panel display board showed how Rheinstadt applied the scientific method to test her theory that people living on the east side of Puget Sound are far more smug than those living on the west side…

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2009-01-28

The Naked Loon Reviews: Sitting at Home Alone

Every week, tens of thousands of Seattleites find themselves facing a familiar situation: the weekend is fast-approaching, and they have absolutely no plans due to an unfortunate combination of social anxiety disorders, crippling agoraphobia, and a complete lack of spending money thanks to “the economy.”

For those readers considering turning yet again to the old standby “sitting at home alone,” here’s a look at what you have to look forward to.

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2008-07-22

Bennett to Sell Team Formerly Known as the Sonics

OKLAHOMA CITY – Oklahoma City SuperSonics owner Clay Bennett announced today that he will sell the NBA team he wrested from Seattle and moved to Oklahoma City just three weeks ago. Bennett said he and his fellow billionaire owners realized after their settlement victory in Seattle that there is one thing they enjoy more than owning a basketball team.

“More than We love screwing people over,” a beaming Bennett said. “When we looked down from the 14th floor of the federal courthouse and saw 3,000 Sonics fans holding a rally – helium balloons, dorky signs – to save their team, how could you top that?

“We said, ‘Just think, we could do this to a whole damn state!’ It’s like pissing off your little brother and holding him back from punching you by jamming your hand on his forehead – times 6.5 million,” he said.

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2008-08-11

Dave Barry Announces Dave Barry: The Musical

Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist, author, and totally serious presidential candidate Dave Barry took a brief break from his whirlwind Olympic trip Monday to unveil his latest project: Dave Barry: The Musical.

“I’m really excited that I will finally get a chance to share Dave Barry: The Musical with my fans,” said Barry in a live video feed from his Beijing hotel. “I think they will both really get a kick out of it.”

Although many critics feared that Barry would follow up his film adaptation of his book “Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys” with a stage version of the same, Barry reports that Dave Barry: The Musical consists of entirely new material.

Barry has been working on the stage production since 2003, when a talking platypus outlined the original plot for him in a lucid dream.

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