Articles by Alexander Brooks

Opinion 2008-05-22

A Collection of Poetry

Hi, my name is Alexander and I am in the eighth grade. I am an above average English student and author. I don’t prefer to write very much, but I can write pretty good. I can do poetry O.K. if I try real hard, as I have done in this column. This column will show my creativity. Some of the poems will not be that great, but they are my best.

Thank You, and enjoy.

Opinion 2008-04-17

I want to be a elephant trainer when I grow up

My name is Alexander and I am in the first grade. When I grow up I want to be a elephant trainer.

Elephants are neat. They are big and gray and have funny long noses and you can ride on them if you are real careful and nice. When you ride on a elephant you can make it go around and stomp on people like the bully at school named Joe that pushes me around. My elephant will make Joe go splat.

2008-04-01

Tashkent, UZ Renounces Seattle Sister City Status

In an unanticipated turn of events this week, the entire city of Tashkent, Uzbekistan rose up with one voice and vehemently renounced their sister city status with Seattle.

The upheaval came as all of Tashkent was watching a recent speech by Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels. Details are sketchy, but it seems that Nickels’ comments on his proposed green-building program just happen to sound exactly like the most insulting curse in the Uzbek language.

2009-03-29

City of Kirkland Outlaws Layoffs

In a decisive and timely move during an emergency special session Saturday night, the Kirkland city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 4188, which prohibits any further layoffs at any company within the city limits.

“As the economic crisis continues deepen, Kirkland simply cannot afford to be marred by the destructive connotations associated with layoffs,” said Kirkland Mayor James Lauinger in a prepared statement.

2008-07-28

$3.80 Gas Promotion Lines Up Cars for Miles

Lines of cars stretched for over ten miles in every direction from Newcastle on Monday morning, as a gas station running a $3.80 per gallon promotion was overwhelmed by thousands of rabid motorists.

Beginning at 7:00 in the morning, Hayden’s Chevron at the corner of Coal Creek Parkway and Newcastle Way offered gas at only $3.80 per gallon, over fifty cents less than the usual current price.

People began queuing up at the station about 3:00 Sunday afternoon, station manager Harrison Phoenix said. By the time the station opened this morning, virtually every road into Newcastle was packed with cars…

2008-04-01

Woman Shocked to Learn Fremont Statue not John Lennon

Lake Forest Park resident Mary Sullivan was shocked on Wednesday when she learned that Fremont’s famous statue of Lenin is in fact an image of the Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin, not the late singer-songwriter John Lennon, as she previously believed.

“Lenin and Lennon sound pretty much the same,” said Sullivan. “When people talked about Fremont’s statue of Lenin, I just assumed it was John Lennon.”

2008-10-16

Rossi, Gregoire Trade Literal Blows in Final Debate

The final debate between gubernatorial candidates Dino Rossi and Christine Gregoire turned ugly last night as the heated verbal exchange erupted into an all-out brawl in front of a stunned panel of local journalists.

With the increasingly ugly tone of the campaign, local political veterans were surprised only that it took this long to come to physical violence.

Articles by Alexander Brooks

Share this:

Share this: