You know what? I have had it with all the gloomy, depressing talk about the economy. I think it is time for us to stop whining, get off our butts, and do something about this mess we find ourselves in.
There is nothing we can do to change the past. We should not dwell on the fact that George W. Bush has personally ruined our careers, destroyed our hard-earned home equity, and driven us into suffocating credit card debt. Now is not the time for that.
Obama is the Christ
Congratulations America. You finally did something right. You elected Barack Obama—the embodiment of all that is good and virtuous—as our great nation’s president.
Barack Hussein Obama is the Antichrist
Oh no. No no no… America, what have you done—WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I can hardly believe this is really happening, but the American people have indeed just elected Barack Hussein Obama—the Antichrist as our president.
You know what I hate? I hate being wrong! Wait, did I say wrong? Scratch that, I am never wrong.
I just hate it when someone confronts me and tries to get me to back up my views with so-called logic and reason. Listen, people—I do not base my beliefs on actual “logical thought” or “rational thinking,” okay? Do I look like some sort of college professor or something? Sheesh.
I do not so much use reason to come to my beliefs, as raw emotion…
Seattle is the greatest city on the planet. Strange as it may seem, there are millions of people that have not been enlightened to this basic truth. I have helpfully compiled a “top 10” list that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt just how awesome Seattle truly is.
10) People in Seattle are more educated and more intelligent than the dim-witted populace of other cities.
9) Not only are we intellectually superior, we are also morally superior. We care about all the important things like saving the planet, stopping global warming, and buying organic. It feels good to be so good…
It seems like the popular thing to talk about these days is all the racial tension and “hidden racism” against African-Americans. That is fine, I am as anti-racism as the next progressive, but let me tell you something: it is not easy being white, either.
Let me just start with the word “white.” Who decided that it was okay to call me that? I prefer “Euro-American” or simply “Amero-American.” But white does not even accurately describe the actual color of my skin. Do you know what is actually white? Toilets, mayonnaise, and snow. People call me white right to my face; day in and day out. What they are really calling me is “snowy mayo toilet-skin.”