Articles by Naked Loon Staff

Seattle is the greatest city on the planet. Strange as it may seem, there are millions of people that have not been enlightened to this basic truth. I have helpfully compiled a “top 10” list that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt just how awesome Seattle truly is.

10) People in Seattle are more educated and more intelligent than the dim-witted populace of other cities.

9) Not only are we intellectually superior, we are also morally superior. We care about all the important things like saving the planet, stopping global warming, and buying organic. It feels good to be so good…

2008-09-16

Deadly Butt-Cheek Disease Thwarted by Paper Seat Cover

PIKE PLACE MARKET, SEATTLE – A deadly strain of Hinternoccoci bacteria was soundly thwarted in its attempt to spread from a public toilet seat to the butt-cheek of area man Todd Stanley Tuesday.

Before taking his seat on the public toilet, Stanley carefully removed a paper toilet seat cover from the “Health Guard” dispenser in the stall, placing it squarely on the communal throne.

2008-04-06

Popular Puget Sound Career Paths

2008-11-24

Jesus Reportedly Primarily Interested in Granting Followers the Easy Life

According to a series of recent radio ads, Jesus Christ—Lord and Savior of all mankind who died on the cross for our sins and was raised again on the third day—is primarily interested in granting His followers the easy life.

“In this fast-paced world,” begins one ad, “it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important … your life.”

2008-06-06

US Government to Distribute Stimulus Morphine Injections

A complete lack of positive results from the economic stimulus checks being sent out to American families since early last month has led the federal government to try a more aggressive stimulus: Morphine.

“It appears that most of the stimulus checks are being used to catch up on bills or pay off debt,” said Treasury spokesman Andrew DeSouza. “We tried to make it clear that these checks were supposed to be spent on frivolous consumer goods, but it seems that the American people are too selfish to come together and properly stimulate the economy.”

Articles by Naked Loon Staff

Political Pundit Accidentially Respects Fellow Man

Schultz & Stern Battle for “Most Hated” Title

Court Rules Landowners Must Destroy Environment

Oranges: Are They Really Good For You?

The News: Who Cares?

State Political Parties Declare Moral Bankruptcy

Ballard Denny’s Decision Sparks Trend

Paul Allen Announces “Experience Paul Allen Project”

Mariners Fire Mascot Moose

Let’s Hear it for Your Seattle Trailblazers!

Survey: 100% of Seattle Drivers Dislike Traffic

iPhone 2.0 Cures Cancer Before Even Being Released

Summer Cancelled

Mayor Nickels to Dig Tunnel Himself if Necessary

Wii Fit Allows False Sense of Fitness Without Costly Monthly Gym Fees

Articles by Naked Loon Staff

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