Bossy Hummingbirds Take Over Small Kentucky Town
Nigel Jones | The Naked Loon↑ click to enlarge ↑
In an unprecedented turn of events, a small town in rural Kentucky has been completely taken over by hummingbirds.
Seemingly no different from ordinary hummingbirds, the diminutive birds have descended on the town of Blandville by the tens of thousands, completely subjugating the population of approximately 100 citizens.
“They just came down out of that there sky, and completely surrounded our house,” said Blandville resident Slyvia Snodgrass. “They ain’t hurt us or nothin, but they ain’t lettin us do what we want, neither.”
It is not clear why the hummingbirds are engaging in such abnormal behavior. Hummingbird specialists have been called in to investigate, but whenever any outsiders attempt to approach the town, they are pushed back by a wall of the tiny hovering beasts.
In a vain attempt to reclaim their independence, residents reportedly took up fly swatters and fishing nets to fight back the invading forces, but as they did, they were overwhelmed by hundreds of the birds, which pinned the residents down and flew off with their weapons.
“This is ridiculous,” said Monica Fortuna, a US Fish and Wildlife representative. “I mean, we’re talking about hummingbirds, here. They weigh about as much as two pennies. How could they have taken over an entire town? That’s just not possible, in my professional opinion.”
When Fortuna approached the town perimeter to prove her point, she was suddenly and completely consumed by a blur of iridescent green and red, which lifted her a hundred feet in the air, carried her half a mile away from the town, and dropped her into a stagnant, algae-filled pond.
“Ok, I guess maybe it is possible after all,” she said.
The hummingbirds clearly do not intend to harm the locals, as they have made sure that they are well-supplied with food and water. However, they have been confined to their homes, and although they still have access to communication lines such as telephones and internet, they are completely unable to go about their daily business.
Although they are obviously unable to communicate with their prisoners, the hummingbirds have been surprisingly successful at forcing the captives to do their bidding. During the days, the hummingbirds gang up on people and essentially use them as puppets. The birds seem to be intent on using the residents of Blandville to act out some sort of disturbing play, apparently about a backwoods nudist colony. An enormous pile of flannel and denim presumed to be the residents’ clothes was discovered eight miles away, dumped in the Mississippi river.
For now, the only thing authorities can do is watch and wait, hoping that the demented birds will eventually tire of their sick game.Rate this story: