PetCo

Retailtastic 2008-09-02

The Wonders of Modern Science

PetCo apparently has some incredibly skilled (and crazy) genetic engineers on staff. Check out the intriguing pet they’re selling (I circled the important area in yellow).

2008-10-22

Violent Crime in Tacoma Sees Dramatic One Percent Drop

Law enforcement officials in Tacoma are ecstatic over an unprecedented one percent drop in the latest violent crime statistics.

It is important to note that although the announcement from the Sheriff’s Office implies that Tacoma’s violent crime rate declined by one percent, in actuality it was the rate of increase in violent crime that decreased by one percent—from a 9% year-to-year increase in September 2007 to an 8% increase in September 2008.

2008-07-08

Startup Dandelion Gardeners Pursue Bold Dream

James Elmore spent the night in the bed of his El Camino. A mass of ladybugs had crept up his leg the night before as he finished the endless chores of his startup farm. He didn’t want to take the helpful bugs all the way to his house in Arlington.

Besides, all his chores—those endless, repetitive, and mind-numbingly boring chores—would be waiting for him the next day. The dandelion is a harsh mistress.

Farming dandelions requires daily sacrifices from Elmore, his wife Eleanor, and his nine children, who hope to someday turn their 153-acre plot of dandelions in Trafton into a thriving ranch that supports the family of eleven.

“It’s this crazy dream we have,” says Elmore, 36.

2008-04-08

Keep Your Neighborhood in Super-Great Tip-Top Awesome Condition

We all want an awesome place to live. We want a super-posh home in a ridiculously affluent neighborhood that feels popular and sheltered; and most of all, we all want to live in a sterile, plague-free, and ultra-sexy community. Please take a moment to think about the following.

2008-07-24

10 Reasons Seattle is Awesome and Should Never Ever Change

Seattle is the greatest city on the planet. Strange as it may seem, there are millions of people that have not been enlightened to this basic truth. I have helpfully compiled a “top 10” list that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt just how awesome Seattle truly is.

10) People in Seattle are more educated and more intelligent than the dim-witted populace of other cities.

9) Not only are we intellectually superior, we are also morally superior. We care about all the important things like saving the planet, stopping global warming, and buying organic. It feels good to be so good…

2008-10-27

Learning to Cope Without Circus Animals

It has been three full weeks since the untimely demise of Mother’s Cookies dealt a crushing blow to humanity. While it may be too early for some who are still suffering through denial, anger, bargaining, or depression, The Naked Loon humbly presents the following review of Circus Animal alternatives to help the wounded nation move on.

Naked Loon staff members scoured local grocers for alternatives…

PetCo

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