According to a series of recent radio ads, Jesus Christ—Lord and Savior of all mankind who died on the cross for our sins and was raised again on the third day—is primarily interested in granting His followers the easy life.

"In this fast-paced world," begins one ad, "it's easy to lose sight of what's really important ... your life."

Throughout the entirety of his 18 mile commute this morning, something just seemed "different" to Bothell commuter Rick Vance, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Upon arriving at his workplace in downtown Seattle, it dawned on him: "I didn't encounter a single rude, oblivious, or otherwise incompetent driver on the road this morning," he recalled.

Accustomed to frequent altercations...

In a stand-up meeting at Stanford Sprockets on Friday, company president Bill Brumsfield briefed the staff of 56 on the good news and the bad news of last month's revenue figures.

"The bad news is that we didn't meet our projected revenues and we have lost over five hundred thousand dollars this year," said Brumsfield. "But—the good news is that we're currently on track to lose less than we did in 2007, and we probably won't have to file bankruptcy for at least another eighteen months!"

Hot on the heels of a wildly popular advertising campaign featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, as well as the overall unprecedented success of their Vista operating system, Microsoft rocked the Northwest Friday with their latest unexpected bombshell:

Effective September 22nd, Sierra Mist will be available in all break rooms.