I think it’s time this we sat down for a little talk about family finances. Billy, Judy, Cindy… come on into the living room with your mother and I. We need to have a serious discussion about the present crisis this family is facing, and work together to find a way out of this mess.

Sure, we could sit around all day and argue the petty details, like whether or not it was a good idea to spend $600,000 on a 4-bedroom rambler in Renton…

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You know what I hate? I hate being wrong! Wait, did I say wrong? Scratch that, I’m never wrong.

I just hate it when someone confronts me and tries to get me to back up my views with so-called logic and reason. Listen, people—I don’t base my beliefs on actual “logical thought” or “rational thinking,” okay? Do I look like some sort of college professor or something? Sheesh.

I don’t so much use reason to come to my beliefs, as raw emotion…

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Would someone care to explain to me how anyone ever thought that greeting cards were a good idea? To me they come across as a complete waste of space, time, and money. Sending someone a greeting card is like saying:

You are special and important to me, but not so important that I’m willing to tell you so in person, or even call you on the phone. In fact, I’m willing to spend money to avoid having to interact with you directly.

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